Dreamcast 'Shit Game' Prisoner In an IGN stylee...

Well I've made a decision. Spurred on, by recent posts by TeeLeeCee, and with a growing feeling that I've just moaned enough about my massive (ooer!) Dreamcast collection, and how I never play all the games, I've decided to do something about it. I've decided that I must play 'em all. PLAY 'EM ALL! That's right ALL OF THEM. The reasoning behind this?

So I get to know them, can appreciate what they're all about, and put a plug in my big, whiny, fat, white ass. Since when is playing games a chore? Hmmm... Now lets set out the parameters for said proposition...

O.K.... As learned bespectacled Professors at Harvard have debated studiously for decades... (about three) What constitutes 'playing them'? (As opposed to just experiencing them...) Lets think ...Time?, Commitment?, Enjoyment? etc.

I've decided that I should devote at least three hours to each. Thats about as realistic as I can manage.

Three hours?

Was that the playability and durability that each game developer intended the person who spent their hard earned dollar, bought, saved up for and played their game should spend? FUCK! Well no... and if they did back in 2000, when games cost £40 odd, they should have hung their spotty heads in shame and had nipple clamps attached to their 'diddies'.

But in 2006, when games cost as little as £2.50, it's piss easy to 'score' them, look at them, and then tuck 'em away without ever playing or acknowledging the work that went into them. And that's NO TIME... Correct?
Damn straight! And we can't have that...

Now...there were two things that made me think of embarking on this nerdfest mother-loving odyssey.

One was the recent decision by media 'giant' IGN, that, (in the face of a lot of up-coming 'work', in terms of reviewing next gen consoles and games), they would give up their geek related free time to Re-Review every Dreamcast game that was ever released by Sega.

(Just for the love of the most beautiful console ever created) God love 'em (sniff!)

The other (and perhaps more pressing) reason was that I'd just added four games to my collection via impulse buying on eBay (Typing Of The Dead, Floigan Bros, (see previous post) Evil Dead and (cough) Kao the Kangaroo) whilst knowingly and callously 'fobbing' the mountains of worthy games, thus unexplored, within my huge collection.

Every time TeeLeeCee or the Gagaman write about a game, it seems they are able to impart to you all out there, an incisive personal perspective, or an in-depth enlightening analysis of said game (levels, modes, graphics, playability, secret stuff etc.)

Every time I write about a game it is padded out with bullshit, waffle, nonsensical guff and silliness. Whilst I know the 'Yard is intended to have some 'junk' scattered about the place, this does not mean that a serious review, that might allow a potential buyer to choose wisely, should be oscured by personal musings, bollocks, and pithiness, liberally sprinkled throughout the most recent rambling account posted by the Father on the 'Yard.

Whilst pledging to try out all the games currently gathering dust on my shelves, it doesn't mean I wont ever...

a.) Fuck the whole project off because it is boring the arse off me.
b.) Submit random posts on a whim, because of the fact that my intended project is boring the arse off me.
c.) Get a sex change, learn to speak Welsh, relocate to Bangkok and live as a Lady-Boy (should I have added that one?) Hmmmm...

For the time being however, it does mean that I have to leave behind trusted and much played lovelies such as...Soul Calibur, Crazy Taxi, Jet Set Radio, Shenmue, Metropolis Street Racer, SegaWorldwide Soccer (Euro Edition), HOTD2, Confidential Mission... and a plethora of other well loved games for...utter shite like Chicken Run, Disney's Dinosaur, Toy Racer, Kao The Kangaroo and erm...Urban Chaos. (Choke)

In the unlikely event that I actually carry out my intention, it's gonna take me months or even years to play 'em and report back. I am worried about the success rate of this mission 'cos of a personal experiece which kinda relates to putting your intentions up in the public arena...

(There was a vey fat bird at my work who once famously announced her intention to diet, and got us to sponsor her "for charity". She's currently gorging her way through six meals -a-day (plus copious amounts of doughnuts) whilst awaiting stomach stapling surgery...)
It might mean I have to 'cheat on' my selected unplayed games, by playing other more loved familiar ones, during moments of DC related weakness...

Still my intention is to play through (alphabetically- it seems like as good a system as any other...) all my titles. Are you with me? We'll see...
Well, gasp! Here goes. I'll have to get one of the Gingers to alphbeticize them and shortly will impart my first review.

God this seems like fucking hard work already... 'Alone In The Dark' here I come...

Goodnight children, wherever you are.


  1. if you want to read the shit that goes with this collection of random images read 'original post'
    I really couldn't be arsed if I was you. Blogger mother fuckers...

  2. Father krishna stop fighting blogger. it's all powerfull. It'll crush us all.

    Anyway, you'll be far too flipped out to notice... Playing all these games.. Pah! Insane.

  3. Oh, and do try to fix the post... It's such a shame...

  4. Thanks Gnome,
    But Blogger makes me want to cry, it really does.
    Hopefully Tom will be able to perform some IT magic, when he checks in on Monday...

  5. Well,well,well...
    Wouldn'tcha know it? After apppearing without text and disappearing all together, making me cry, howl and gnash my teeth, blogger has decided to let my post show itself. Now if only I could change my worryingly gay avatar...

  6. First - Gnome is right, you can't fight blogger. It knows all.

    Second - I wish you luck on your quest of playing every game you own for 3 hours...but Jesus...I LOVE Daytona 2001 - it's my favourite DC game by a good few miles, but there's no way I could play it for 3 hours straight!! And if I had to play Urban Chaos for even 3 minutes I think I'd go insane.

  7. I had urban chaos for the PC and played it for all of 2 minutes. I never was able to sell the damn thing. I think if I had it as I dreamcast game it would be in the "Well it IS a dreamcast game" catagory.

    I think that playing all the games that I have would be somewhat counter productive. After all I don't want to OPEN some of the games that I have that are still in their orginal packaging. (Though I have been tempted to open up omnikron...) And the fact is that I enjoy being able to start up a game that I have had for awhile and never played and play it. For example Resident Evil 3 has been friggin' awesome last weekend as I attempted to play through killing nemesis EVERY time he shows his head. *STARS*

    I dunno, Knowing that there are games that I have for the Dreamcast that I have not played fully makes it all that interesting everytime I go down cellar and have some free time to mess around with games. Being FORCED by a commitment to play would take away from that.

  8. Caleb - Omikron (or The Nomad Soul as it's known here) is a pretty interesting game. It's certainly a very ambitious title and offers hours of gameplay, although it falls slightly short when it comes to graphics...and the 'Virtua Fighter' bits are truly horrific. Force yourself to open it and have a go though, as I doubt it'll ever be worth much, even in mint condition.

  9. Ah! Much better...

  10. I have an unopened edition of Omikron that came with my Sega Smash Pack I might give it a go.
    May I qualify the 'three hours' thing. That will not be solid uninterrupted game play but I hope to clock up about three hours, in fifteen minute snippets, on each. Obviously if I have already clocked up hours of play like on Shenmue or Soul Calibur, they wont need to be on my 'to play' list.
    Also may I also remind you of the "Can't be arsed" clause attached to my impulsive declaration!

  11. Woah! It's the real heterosexual me! Like my big 'tools'? Nice one Tom!

  12. Gnome, thanks for checking back in! It's much better but not as intended... harumph!

  13. ...i am afraid to ask..... but how many games have you?....... learning Welsh and moving to Thailand is commendable.....

  14. I've got about a hundred (DC games)...
    As an ethnically half Welsh person I feel it is my duty to embrace my cultural heritage... and the language for my Welsh bretheren is a badge of honour. Therefore... ergo.. T'is my responsibility to at least acknowledge the odd greeting/pleasantry in my .5 mother tongue?