Convalescence

Alreet, hows everyone doing? Seems like aeons ago that I was last here, but then with the mesmerizing skillz of The Gagaman, Father Krishna and Caleb all now combining, it's not the end of the world. Just the beginning, oh yes.*Evil cackle*

I'm recovering from a heavy night on the piss, that incidentally included a good kicking from several 20 stone Neanderthals (see left). However, this isn't a bad thing. Looking on the bright side of being bequeathed lips that look like a pair of inner tubes and a re-modeled (albeit slightly bent) nose, last night's UFC has given me a reason to lounge around today like a man of leisure simply in order to recouperate and reflect.

And by recouperate and reflect, I mean play Dreamcast games. But you knew that already.

But before I dive into my usual blurb about what I've been up to on the virtual field, let me first congratulate The Gagaman for his stirling efforts to keep the Dream alive. Virtua Tennis with a fishing rod? Marvellous, bloody marvellous. In a similar vein, I thought it might be possible to really shit in the Wii's cornflakes and play Tee Off with the rod too, but alas that idea was binned when I remembered that you don't actually use the analogue stick to control your player's swing. That and the fact that Tee Off doesn't recognise the rod as a controller anyway. Bah.

To be fair, I am slightly guilty of neglecting my Dreamcast promoting duties of late but hopefully this will change shortly, and the resurgence is clearly noteable in the recent purchases made by my good self that have totalled nearly TWENTY QUID in recent days. Yes, £20 on DC related software. Shocking innit?

Several months of no buying action at all, and now this:

Head Hunter
The Rt. Hon. Father Krishna MBE waxed lyrical about Jack Wade's near future adventure several posts ago, I know, but let me emphasize just how good this third person adventure really is. Want stealthy sections? want fucking amazing shootouts? want a hair raising orchestral - almost Hollywood quality - soundtrack? want mind-melting, Dreamcast-pushing graphics? want GTA-style motorbike sections that make you tear your already thinning hair out? Then go out RIGHT NOW and get hold of a copy of Head Hunter. Unlike anything else on the console, Head Hunter is, for me at least, one of the highlights of the Dreamcast's catalogue and stands out due to it's outstanding production qualities

The whole package is just so well done - from the newscast style sections that move the story along, to the cutscenes and voice acting, to the loading screens that show mock-up adverts for in game fictional products from the sinister BioTech Corp., everything about Headhunter is silky. Unfortunaltey, Head Hunter is a PAL-only release (as I'm sure we've mentioned several thousand times in the past), so if you're not from Europe you're gonna probably have a hard time getting a copy, but you'd be advised to at least try to do so. Brill. And, again, sorry for banging on about a game Father Krishna spouted about earlier...it's just, y'know, FUCKING AWESOME.

Championship Surfer
Oh God. What the fucking hell is this shit?! I got it free with Headhunter granted, but Christ almighty - this dirge should never have been allowed to see the light of day. Well, maybe a really crap cloudy day, with thunder and brimstone and shit falling from the heavens. As you can probably tell, I don't really rate Championship Surfer. I'm all for trying a new style of game; we'd never have gotten NiGHTS if nobody ever tried new stuff...but Championship Surfer ain't NiGHTS. It's a lorry-load of decaying pig cadavers covered in puss from the ulcers of a million bed-ridden pensioners' legs. Basically, you pick your gnarly surf dude (cretin)...and do some surfing. On waves that look like they're made of Lego. Yep, Champo is yet another Dreamcast game that features water effects that Wave Race 64 laughs in the face of. How dare Krome Studios try to palm these waves off on us! Look at them!

Sorry about that. Got a bit carried away there. Of course, good graphics don't make a game (as PS3 owners will vouch), but when the graphics consist almost completely of water...surely it's a good idea to make them look something like water? Not fucking blue tack. Shit me, the water in fucking Dead or Alive 2 looks better than the wet stuff in Championship Surfer...and that's a fucking fighting game!!!

Oh, and the rest of it's just as pathetic as the waves. Just in case you were wondering.

Sonic Adventure 2
Yay! We all love Sonic, and y'know, he loves us too. Sonic Adventure 2 is the sequel to...er...Sonic Adventure and features more of the same really. You get to bomb around as Sonic, Tails, Knuckles and a few other characters collecting rings and generally kicking Robotinik's arse. Cool. One thing bothers me though. Why, if he's so good with a screw driver, doesn't Robotnik create a robot that doesn't fall to bits when a hedgehog jumps on it? Trial and fucking error my man. He's had about NINE freaking Sonic games before SA2 to figure that out, do a bit of Q&A and iron out the technical difficulties. Sheesh.

That niggle aside, SA2 is a wicked little game - a true showcase of the DC's technical capabilities. The visuals are excellent and the music, much as it pains me to say, is also rather good. A Dreamcast-ignorant mate of mine was round while I was playing Headhunter and then Sonic Adventure 2 and upon seeing the graphics being displayed couldn't believe that the DC was released 8 years ago. So that must surely go some way to explain how good these games look, even today.

But then I put Championship Surfer on and the magic was lost. DAMN THAT SHIT TO HELL!!!
I almost converted one of the ignorant and opened his mind, only to be foiled by the dystopian powers of Championship Surfer. Speaking of dystopian powers, my face hurts again so I'm off to swill down half a box of paracetamol with an 8 pack of Guinness.

And a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Oh, and don't forget to get those Fission rods out of the cupboard for a quick game of Virtua Tennis, y'hear?!

Ying/Bang

Well shit in my eye - it's Friday the 13th! AAARGH!

Ahem. Following on appropriately:

You know, they say (whoever the fuck 'they' are) that for every good thing that happens in life, another thing just as astonishing - but in a shit way - occurs to readdress the balance. A bit like when that Newton fellow decided that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

After the last few days' events, I'd like to find this Newton geezer and knock his fucking head off.

Some of you reading this may have been privy to one of European football's most spectacular displays of brilliance earlier this week. Yes, Manchester United's systematic destruction of Roma at the Theatre of Dreams, Old Trafford. Twas a night to remember and signal of intent to all of the lesser teams daring to attempt to win the Champions League. I for one was making merry after the final whistle. As I'm also sure (blue scum) Father Krishna was :-)


So far, so good.

Imagine my horror then, when not so long after those (Spartan-esque) heroic events on the hallowed turf at Old Trafford, I discovered that while moving my beloved Dreamcast stuff from my mother's old hovel to her new...erm...hovel (I keep my stuff there because I have no space for it!), the shaven monkeys masquerading as removal men had virtually destroyed every single jewel case in my possession. Quite how, I'm still not sure - but rest assured that every single mother-humping case is in some way broken. Not a big deal you may think, but after taking so much care of the boxes for so long...and to have them all smashed to bits by fucking ignorant Neanderthals is extremely annoying.

Nay - heart rending.

Nevertheless, life goes on (whereas my old Mum's nearly didn't when she remarked "they're only games..."). As such, let me illustrate two of my newest Dreamcast purchases:

Tee Off Golf
The Dreamcast's only golf game (I believe), Tee Off is a twee little title in which massive-headed cartoon characters battle it out for golfing domination across several generic courses. It's certainly no Tiger Woods or PGA Tour Golf (Mega Drive version), but it's playable enough and has a multitude of game modes (including a rather strange virtual reality bit). Oh, and the graphics are quite pleasant - look:


Unfortunately, listening to the 'music' is akin to letting Thor smash bolts of lightening through your ear drums with his Thunder Hammer (TM).

Tech Romancer
A frankly brilliant fighting game that has you smashing the shit out of each other...whilst controlling fuck-off massive robots! Heaven! It sort of reminds me of GASP!! on the N64 (is that a good thing?), only...erm...better. The controls are pretty simple and it's really easy to pull off some epileptic-fit inducing special moves. The best thing about Tech Romancer though (no, it's not the name), is the way each battle has the feel of an episode of a Manga-style cartoon. All round brilliance, make no mistake. Not Soul Calibur by any means, and the in-game graphics are hardly stellar, but still...Tech Romancer is a highly decent game of robotic fisty-cuffs.


Hopefully, I'll be able to keep at least these two games in some sort of semi-complete state, and even retain the little plastic tabs that hold the cases together. Hopefully...


Finally, whilst perusing Google (utilising somebody else's unsecured wireless network, I might add) I found this rather nifty (read: Geekish) Dreamcast-oriented word search! Cool or what?!


Not that I can be arsed finding all the words, mind.

Adios!

Makeshift Philosophizing

Word, people. Christ - it's been a while eh?! And, as I've stated many a time in the anals (or is it annals?) of time, Father Krishna and The Gagaman have done a fucking amazing job of keeping the Dreamcast Junkyard the world's - nay - the Multiverse's premier source for Dreamcast related...erm...stuff. And to them, I doff my cap in a fashion not seen since, ooh, 1876. In London. With mist and shit swirling around gas powered street lamps. But ENOUGH!

In time honoured fashion I ask the question - WHY? Why do I grace these hallowed pages today? Today of all days? Well, the answer is like a fat bloke's stomach upon taking a seat after a particular strenuous trip to the fridge for more food - multi-layered. Firstly, I would like to announce that today - Thursday - is the day before Good Friday. And if you happen to be classed as Proletariat, tomorrow signals a day off work. Huzzah!

I understand there's also some religious guff that goes with Good Friday, but I'll be damned if I know what it is. Chortle. The point I'm trying to make is that with days off comes free time - and free time generally goes hand in hand with drinking more beer...and more time to play on your Dreamcast! See - I told you there was a point!

I don't know this Bob guy, but I like him already...

More importantly, yesterday saw something of a mini milestone for me - my first Dreamcast related purchase in over 6 months!!! Buying DC games used to be something of a formality for me - every time I stepped through the wierd portal on the front of the house (more commonly known as a 'front door'), I sort of knew that I'd be returning with something with a blue swirl on it. Even if I was going for a pint, I'd be on the lookout for Dreamcast shit, and those who remember the 'Dreamcast in pub toilet' episode can testify to that.

Sad? You bet you're ass.

However, In these turbulent times, such frivolity is no longer possible. And that's why yesterday's purchase of Stunt GP for the incredible price of £3.00 is so important. Have we mentioned Stunt GP before? Not sure, but basically it's Re-Volt on steroids. With Stunts. And not set in real-life locations. And without the joypad-smashingly frustrating controls.

OK, the only thing it's got in common with Re-Volt is that it's got RC cars in it:

See - they're doing stunts by driving round the curly T! Amazing!

If only all multi-storey car parks were such fun

Two wheels = more points

Whoever took these shots is shit - they're always in 6th place

Rather than have you racing through houses and super markets like in Re-Volt, Stunt GP's locales are limited to specially built tracks that look as if they're made from bits of scalextric, replete with banked corners, slaloms, tunnels and the obligatory jumps from which you gain 'air' and perform the titular stunts. All well and good. And that's not me being sarcastic either - Stunt GP is a brilliant game, with superb (albeit slightly sparse) graphics and highly manouverable vehicles. Put simply: It's a fun little game made even better by the fact that I only paid three quid for it. The only thing I thought strange though (and the same thing goes for Re-Volt), was that if these are supposed to be radio controlled cars...where are the people controlling them? Think about that one. It's a bit like that "if a tree falls and no-one hears it...does it make a noise?" thing innit. Or maybe just for me. Moving swiftly on...

I looked in my hotmail inbox this morning and saw an email from a familiar name. It was Gary from Dreamcasting. You may remember that we featured Gary's awesome collection of DC paraphernalia quite some time ago (probably about a year ago, actually), and also the fact that he's yer man if you want to play Half Life, Propellor Arena, Cadillacs and Dinosaurs (whatever that is), Flintstones etc on your Dreamcast.


Well, now he's set up an online photo album thingy where you can admire his artistic handywork when it comes to creating bespoke game boxes and manuals. And more importantly you can contact him and order the damned things. If anyone gets Cadillacs and Dinosaurs, be sure to let us know what it's all about. Cadillacs and...er...Dinosaurs, I'd imagine, but the only Cadillacs and Dinosaurs this gamer can remember is the one that was portrayed as a screenshot on the back of the Atari Jaguar console box. Very Intriguing indeed.

Email here for more information

Anyway, until December 2010 (probably), this is Tomleecee signing off.

Shmup Up the Volume!

First of all I would like to apologise to all of you folks out there, that like me, check regularly to see if there’s anything new posted on the Dreamcast Junkyard. As you may know, the ‘Yard is a three man operation, founded by Tomleecee and supported by myself (Father Krishna) and The Gagaman(n).



At this present time, Tom is currently saving the world from the Axis Of Evil. The Gagaman(n) is currently honing his computer and film making skills and preparing to take the world of multi-media by storm. (Check out his two red hot posts below…)

So what about me? What’s my excuse for not stocking the ‘Yard with new posts?
Well there are a couple of things! Firstly I’ve been collaborating with my good buddy Caleb, on a Trans-Atlantic project celebrating another one of Sega’s classic consoles- The Saturn- over at the un-originally titled Saturn Junkyard. I’ve also been contributing to a blog about the world of handheld gaming with the wonderful Gnome, originally titled Gnome’s Gaming On The Go.




Combine those two things with the mundane pursuits of work and family life and the end result is... not enough time to sustain my posting duties here at the ‘Yard. But hopefully that will change now.
I’ve been adding to my collection (which I posted on this very site last month) and substantially boosted my games repertoire. The games haul includes: Virtua Athlete 2K, Silent Scope, Plasma Sword, Unreal Tournament, Skies Of Arcadia, Deep Fighter, Championship Surfer, Fur Fighters and Wild Metal.



I’ve also very nearly completed Resident Evil: Code Veronica, so I’ve plenty to review and talk about (a situation which has not been the case for some time!)
I’ve also played bought and played brand new Dreamcast release Last Hope and a new set of Cha Cha Amigo maracas from the wonderful Play Asia, so my love for the Dreamcast is still alive and kicking!!!

Talking of games developed for the Dreamcast after its official “retirement”, the excellent Games TM Magazine has just run a full page review of said titles, and because I love you I’ve decided to transcribe the entire thing for your reading pleasure!

So, here’s to a new era of Father Krishna’s Dreamcast ramblings! OK Here goes…

No.1 “Ikaruga” Estimated Price: £50, Publisher: ESP, Year Of Production: 2002

“When Treasure’s Ikaruga was announced for Dreamcast in 2002, everyone naturally assumed it would be the last Dreamcast game. It wasn’t of course, but that didn’t stop the game from selling out almost instantly, becoming one of the most valuable titles on the system. Literally meaning “spotted dove” Ikaruga re-defined the shoot ‘em up with a puzzle mechanic that rewarded players for intelligent mastery of the black-and-white colour-coded enemies and weapons.


No.2 “Shikigami No Shiro 2” Estimated Price: £40, Publisher: MediaQuest, Year Of Production: 2004

Although it was produced on Gamecube, PS2 and Xbox, the Dreamcast version of Shikigami 2, remains highly collectible thanks to it’s low production run and limited editions. As a shooter, its fairly generic but notable for using humanoid characters, rather than the more traditional spaceships or aeroplanes. Despite being generic it is pretty enjoyable and well worth adding to any Dreamcast collection.

“Border Down” Estimated Price: £70, Publisher: G.Rev Year Of Production: 2003

So, for a game exclusive to the Dreamcast format, the unusual Border Down manages to fetch a very pretty penny- and that is something that is looking very unlikely to change any time soon. Noted for its adaptive difficulty Border Down stands out as one of only a handful of horizontal shooters to be produced in the last five years. Fast, colourful and very playable, Border Down is one of the best shooters on the Dreamcast, and essential even at the steep price.

“Radirgy” Estimated Price: £40, Publisher: Milestone, Year Of Production: 2006

Its visuals may have made it look like it was designed for mobile phones, but Radirgy (supposedly pronounced ‘Rajirugi’) is a vertical scrolling shooter that stands proud among its peers. Curiously, for only around £30 more than it’s current price, its possible to pick up Radirgy with a fully refurbished Dreamcast. Gamecube owners may also like to look out for the upcoming Radio Allergy, a port of the game, that’s due to be released in the US some time this year. (See IGN Review here! )


“Under Defeat” Estimated Price: £35, Publisher: Sega, Year Of Production: 2006

Of all the games released after Dreamcast’s demise, Under Defeat is surely the prettiest. Using full polygonal 3D environments and objects, this vertical scrolling helicopter shoot ‘em up looks incredible. Interestingly, the back of the Under Defeat case claims that the game would be the last ever for the Dreamcast., but the shooter proved profitable enough, to ensure that the developer, Milestone, and several others continued to support the console.

“Chaos Field” Estimated Price: £5, Publisher: Sega, Year Of Production: 2004

Chaos Field is an odd little shooter. Completely comprised of boss fights, you would expect to pack in all the best bits of the genre without all of the rubbish. Not so, sadly.
Although technically well made, there is something about the structure of Chaos Field that makes it feel exhausting to play. Other issues like slowdown and a general lack of originality in the mechanics make this the least attractive of Dreamcast’s more recent shooters.



“ Trizeal” Estimated Price: £35, Publisher: Triangle Service, Year Of Production: 2005

Although a strictly traditional shoot ‘em up in terms of the gameplay, Trizeal is worth checking out for other reasons. Triangle Service, a developer comprised of just three people, created the game, and its amazing to see what they have achieved with their comparatively limited resources. This is exactly what makes the current Dreamcast scene seem so appealing – it allows small developers to create games that they wouldn’t be able to on any other console.


“Puyo Puyo Fever” Estimated Price: £20, Publisher: Sega, Year Of Development: 2004

Puyo Puyo Fever was the last title that Sega ever developed for the Dreamcast system. Developed by Sonic Team, the Fever game could almost be described as a vanity project to see how many different platforms could be supported with one game. The final result was ten different versions, making for one of the wildest multiformat releases in the history of videogames. As a collectors piece, Puyo Puyo Fever is as interesting to own as it is fun to play."

Hope that was of interest! Peace Y'all! FK

Father Krishna's Big One...

You know, ever since I've been writing on this esteemed Blog, there's been something I've been wanting to show you. I've kept it private so far, because sometimes I get a little embarassed about it's size. You see, I've got a big one. Really big. It just keeps growing and growing. Now there's nothing wrong with having a small one. It's better than not having one at all. Besides, I've heard it's not the size, but how you use it that counts.... But now for the first time I'd like you all to see it. So I'm going to show you some pictures of it. When you've seen it I know you're going to want to get your hands on it. But I'm the only one allowed to touch it. I asked my wife, Mrs. Krishna if she wanted to get her hands on it, but so far she's shown no interest...What? You thought I was alluding to my penis??? No!!! I'm talking about my Dreamcast collection! So here it is in all it's glory....

These are my import games... Capcom vs. SNK, death Crimson OX, Sega Smash Pack, Samba De Amigo (Did you get a glimpse of my maracas???), Typing Of The Dead and Caution Seaman... Nestled in the middle is brand new Dreamcast release Last Hope!!!!

So there you go! It's there in all it's glory! I've tucked it all away now, and I won't be getting it all out again for a while... Sorry the photos are shit, but I took them all on my phone. Anyway, if you're confused by any blurred image then I will be happy to clarify what that shit is... Also sorry about the squashed up nature of the post, that was Blogger not me!!! See ya!

Death Crimson OX Review

Well they say in this life you get what you wish for... And I wished for Death Crimson OX and I got it...

Universally panned in every review I've ever read, I felt undeterred and searched eBay for this coveted treasure.

In Samuel Beckett's frankly fucking depressing masterpiece "Waiting For Godot", the hopeless central charatcers, Estragon and Pozzo, trapped in a hostile limbo-like wasteland, resort to insulting each other... After exchanging swearwords, profanities and a variety of scathing comments about each other, the ultimate insult to be levelled is "CRITIC!"



"Yer fecking big CRITIC!!"

This was Beckett's way of replying to those who had poured scorn over his writing, because they had not 'got it', and often were so puffed up with their own smug sense of self worth, that they had missed the point of the work they were reviewing.



"Father Krishna!" I hear you cry "What the fuck is this? Some poncey, Open University, literary analysis, or a shitting games review for fucks sake?" (Ahem!) and to you I say, "Calm down oh reader...I'm getting to the point..."

It's the same with games reviewers.

Frankly I think a lot of games reviewers and 'experts' are:

a.) Up their own arse
b.) Overly critical of the genre
c.) Trying to score points with their smug sense of self satisfaction
d.) Very much in need of a good shag/An excursion away from their consoles and into the real fucking world....


















The game is a Light Gun game for fucks sake! A port of an arcade blaster! A mindless 'shoot'em up'! A lovely psychedelic slaughterfest, with a thinly veiled plot... there's no need to 'wax lyrical' about the finer points of frame rates, the subtelties of pixellation, the nuances of character or the profundities of the moral lessons learned throughout it's sub-plot...

Before I get any further on with my my soap box rant let's look at the (admittedly) poo storyline...
(This is the blurb off the back of the box...)

'July 29, 2010. The beautiful city of Saronica is destroyed by the mysterious SMO. Agents, known as Subliminers, are placed throughout the city to opress the populace. Survivors form the Resistance and fiercely engage SMO forces in battle. The Resistance is led by the elusive Lily, who also makes a mean dish of macaroni and cheese. (I kid you fucking not... FK)
Segue to Agent Kou Yanami, tortured with doubt over his employer's policies. he seizes two pistols from SMO's arsenal and joins the Resistance forces.His pistols are the Crimson, ancient super weapons,. lily attempts to shelter Kou, from his dogged pursuers but in turn falls prey to SMO. Now, Kou Yanami and Lily's daughter, Yuri, set out to free her... and blow away any SMO Subliminers who get in their way...'

So there you have it! Not fucking revolutionary, but not that much inferior to the plot line of HOTD 2 for example... Let's not forget, the game is about blowing away monsters, skeletons, zombies, robots and hulkng behemoths wielding swords... How much plot do you need? Did Asteroids need a plot ? (A lone ship in a barren Universe... Astronauts Chad Thwackerman and his latent homosexual lieutenant , Charles Blanchefort suddenly discover they are facing a hail of meteoric appocalypse... ) PUR-LEASE!




Similarly, the use of text representation of character's speech, rather than spoken word? Is that a massive problem?

Did HOTD2 scour the acting world for the cream of vocal excellence...HELL NO! Did bad voice acting affect the game? NO!

The graphics, whilst not the best, are vividly colourful and imaginative. The game has a good variety of villains to plug away at. Like HOTD2 and Virtua Cop, there are innocent civillians to avoid, weapon upgrades and 'life-ups' to discover. At the end of the level there are Bosses to defeat (one with a blob of shite on the end of his sabre - known as (LOL) "The Sword Of Stink"!

The one problem I have with the game is a minor one and I'm coming to terms with it quickly.
The shooting method is totally different to Virtua Cop, HOTD2 or Confidential Mission.
On my screen (though not on the video on the IGN link below) there is a moveable target. You use the D pad on the gun to aim it at your adverasies. Reloading is acheived with the a press of the B button, which means having to use both hands whilst firing... ho hum!





There are a number of modes in which to play the game, Mission Mode, Story Mode and Bullet Mode, the latter involving slaying your many faceted foes, with the minimum amount of ammo...
I managed in two attempts on 'easy' option on Story Mode to clear two stages, earning me a place on the leader board, and got to input my initials. Go me! Longevity of gameplay is not an issue for me, I like the odd game that I can just pick up and play, revisit when I want to and leave if I want... This little baby fits the bill. I won't play it to death, won't obsess about completion, or feel that I've been undersold as a result. The only two Dreamcast games which have had me hooked in that respect are Shenmue 1 & 2 and Soul Calibur (Mission Mode). As a devoted family man (!) I simply haven't the time to devote lots of hours to gameplay, so a half hour of blasting away at monsters, or a quick spin in a Crazy Taxi, are the sought of things that can provide a short burst of escapism. Plus I have too many games which I've bought and never played meaning I can discover a 'new' hidden gem at any time!

So, all in all Death Crimson OX is a winner for me.... 'it does what it says on the tin' ...it delivers the goods... And I'll award it a generous 7.5/10 for overall gameplay!

However if you want to read harsher reviews (and also look at some great CD-OX video) you can do so here, here and here. For all the boring specs and details you can look here...

And remember people the best review a game can get is the one you give it... If you are unsure of a current game rent it... A duff retro purchase can always be traded at your local Gamestation for something you like better.

Oh and BTW I've just found out that Death Crimson OX is the favourite game of alcoholic flange flasher Lindsay Lohan! Who'd a thunk it!?




Good night dear children wherever you are...