New Stuff 2!

When it comes to Dreamcast games there are, in my opinion, 3 distinct catergories. The first catergory, for the purpose of this post, shall be named 'Common as Muck.' Games that fall into the 'Common as Muck' catergory are so numerous in duplicate that they are ubiquitous. Piles of shit such as Soul Fighter, Chu Chu Rocket* and Sonic Adventure*...the ones that everyone's got and that always turn up in second hand shops and at car boot sales.
The second catergory, that shall henceforth be known as "Where There's Muck There's Brass," lays claim to titles that whilst are many in number, are relatively hard to come by - Sega Exteme Sports, Evil Twin, Worms World Party and F1 World Grand Prix 2 for example.

However, there is a catergory that stamps on these two with a size 13 steel toe-capped rigger boot. A selection of Dreamcast games so rare and hard to come by (by chance, in a shop that is - eBay doesnt count!) that they have reached almost mythical status. The Triforce of the Dreamcast fraternity, if you will. Delights such as Shenmue 2...Sonic Adventure 2...Crazy Taxi 2...

Ladies and Gentlemen...let me introduce the newest entrant into the 'Yard:

CRAZY-MOTHERFUCKING-TAXI 2!!!

Yes, it's here...and it rocks. And to add to my near Class A state of ecstacy, I also got a copy of Quake 3 Arena free with it...

It's weird though, because the other day I was looking on eBay and I saw this:

I saved the picture for some reason, even though I had no use for it...maybe it was an omen.

*the 'pile of shit' comment only applied to Soul Fighter. The other two are fantastic games that are fully endorsed by The Dreamcast Junkyard.

Kewl Boarding

You may remember that right at the start of this blog, when the Dreamcast Junkyard was a wee nipper, I posted that I had acquired a mouse and keyboard combo from a jolly chap who went by the name of Mr E. Bay. Well, if my memory serves me that post was published waaay back on the 19th of December 2005 - nearly 3 months ago. Christ, doesn't time fly when your playing Dreamcast games and living just above the poverty line? Anyhow, it's taken me till now to actually try these things out properly with the games I have that are compatible. So, the question remains - Does using a keyboard and a mouse really make that much of a difference when playing said games?

Soldier of Fortune
If you've read my review of Soldier of Fortune, you'll know that I'm not necessarily it's biggest fan. Indeed, I'm currently masterminding a plan to hunt down and destroy every copy in circulation via means of a 10,000 strong army of invincible time travelling robots...much like the one that supplies Xzibit's voice. However, I digress. Saying that though, with a mouse and keyboard set up, Soldier of Fortune is very smooth to play. Still doesn't detract from the overall skankiness of this rushed PC conversion, but hey.
Game: 2/10, Control: 8/10


Hidden & Dangerous
Another slightly below par (shouldn't that be above par?) PC conversion - Hidden & Dangerous really comes into it's own with the keyboard and mouse. All of the complex team based commands are readily availible via the keyboard, and controlling your line of sight is made mcuh easier with a mouse. Good stuff.
Game: 6/10, Control: 8/10


Unreal Tournament
Now this is what I'm talking about. I recind my comments about Unreal Tourney being a bit crap in a recent post - with the joypad it is a little sluggish - but slam in a mouse and keyboard and you're cooking on gas. Wow - i didn't think it would make so much difference! Being able to quickly and simply swing the view through 360 degrees makes for some really great and tense firefights and is so much more intuitive that using the cumbersome joypad control. Top marks.
Game: (pre mouse) 5/10 (post mouse) 7/10, Control: 9/10


I also tried the set up with some games that, even though don't
have the icon on the back of the box, made sense that they may be compatible - these were Rainbow Six, Slave Zero, Worms Armageddon and Red Dog. Alas they were having none of it. Not even Soul Calibur works, a game famous for being compatible with the fishing rod! Pah.

There is a downside to all this though. While the mouse and keyboard is good if your console is on a desk - and lets be honest, who's is? (unless you're hooked up to a monitor via VGA) - it's pretty awkward trying to get stuff for it to sit on. As you can see from my pic, I had to arrange a sort of orchestra of chairs to play in any reasonable state of semi-comfort. Furthermore - because you have to use 3 ports (mouse, keyboard, joypad with VMU plugged in), any chance of split screen is out of the window...although you'd need to be playing in the Banquet Hall at the Palace of Versailles to have enough room for you, the controls and a some mates.

Finally - on this evidence alone, Quake 3 Arena WILL be making an appearance in the next 24 hours. Verdict to come.

Tissues and Issues

Here's a must have item for any discernable Dreamcast fan who happens to have either an inevitable case of H5N1 avian flu; or be going through a barren patch when it comes to the delights of the fairer sex...

Favouritism

For various reasons, there are some Dreamcast titles that were never released in foreign territories. In some cases, it is fairly obvious that the subject matter of the game in question probably wouldn't go down too well in a country other than that it originated it - a perfect case in point would be the massive market in Japan for dating games. For some reason, I just can't see Sentimental Graffiti 2 getting too high in the games chart in the UK - a game in which you must (apparently) dash across the city in an attempt not to be late for a big date.

However, Sega have made some really wierd choices when choosing
which American games not to release in Europe and vice versa. First up is this: Who Wants To Beat Up a Millionaire? - a game I'd never actually heard of until today. It appears to be a parody of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? (a game that was pretty cack), but from the reviews I've read online seems to be actually rather good.

Likewise, there are some UK games that were never given a US launch, but - and this is a big BUT - these games were some of the best ever made for the Dreamcast. Headhunter, for example - was the DC's pseudo-answer to Metal Gear...a simply awesome game in which you played a bounty hunter called Jack Wade and had to get around a huge fictional city on a motorbike, before breaking into warehouses and the like and having gun battles with terrorists. Got about three quarters through it and got rid off it a few years ago. Now I'll probably have to pay through the nose to buy it back again.

Similarly, and even stranger, Shenmue 2 was never given an official US release. Why? Who knows.

Lawsuit Imminent 2: This Time It's Personal

OK, so you've probably heard all the rumours about Sega planning to start selling refurbished Dreamcast units again on their Japanese website, complete with a phone card (?!) or something equally ridiculous. Great news, I'm sure you'll agree. However, wouldn't it be cool if the system was relaunched in some of the following flavours...

XBOXCAST

CUBECAST!WORST NIGHTMARECAST!!

...just to piss off the other console manufacturers? And why stop there? Come on Sega - lets have some CDi- and Jagcasts too!

Sublime Idiocy

Anyone remember that semi-decent Jude Law film eXistenZ from a few years back? What you probably didn't know is that Sega sponsored it's cinema release here in the United Kingdom in order to expose the Dreamcast to a wider audience. Want proof? Here you go:
What do you mean you can't see the Dreamcast logo? Look just under the big 'Z.' That is a Blue Dreamcast swirl, my good (wo)man*. Clear as day, that. Nice one Sega.

Also, top marks for sponsoring a film where everyone who plays games turns into a HOMICIDAL MANIAC with MENTAL PROBLEMS.

*Gotta be politically correct these days...but lets be honest, if there's a single female reading this page, I'll eat my own scrotum.

Lawsuit Imminent

You may have seen this before, but it's still an interesting piece of kit - it's the Treamcast. It's a 100% totally unofficial Dreamcast clone that features a built in LCD screen and VCD player. Apparently, Sega arent too happy with it's very existence and so it is becoming quite a desirable piece of kit because there's a chance it won't be around for much longer. However, with Sega's budget only able to afford Lionel Hutz, don't quote me on that.

I don't have one myself, these are merely pictures robbed off Google. I'm not too sure about those pads though...they look like Saturn pads, and where does the VMU go? If you'd like to know more about this curiosity, please click here to read a hardware review courtesy of Devcast, an awesome site dedicated to the modification and surgical enhancement of Dreamcast hardware.

They Think It's all Over...Oh, it is. 4 years ago.

As I looked longingly at my housemate's copy of Pro Evolution Soccer 5, I found myself not only crying inside, but also pondering: Why are all the football games on the Dreamcast shite? There isn't a single decent footy game on the DC. Virtua Striker 2: WANK; Dream Soccer: WANK; European Super League: ABHORRENT. So, here as evidence are exhibits A, B, C, D and E to support my claim that the Dreamcast has the worst football games of any console ever released.

Exhibit A: Virtua Striker 2

Ok, so it's an arcade port...but why port an unplayable abomination like this? Even when you're playing it in the pub after several pints of Stella, this is still crap. You can't change the view, there is that awful "swoosh" noise when you tackle another player, commentary consists of "GOOOOOOAL!" The graphics are decent, but the rest is as comparable to real football as Peter Jackson's King Kong is to a trip to Knowsley Safari Park.

Exhibit B: European Super League

It has 16 teams. There is no commentary. It is unplayable. It has graphics like a Master System game. Do me a favour.

Exhibit C: 90 Minutes
Ho ho...this is so bad it's actually good!!! God, where do I start with 90 Minutes? I don't think my vocabulary is wide enough to fully describe how horrific 90 Minutes is...it's even got spelling mistakes and the grammar on the options screen is as if it has been translated from Japanese, to Ancient Greek, to fucking Klingon and then into English. Awesomely bad.

Exhibit D: UEFA Dream Soccer
OK, so its not as bad as the others listed here, but whats with the Benny Hill style running animation? Also - if you line up a shot at goal, the player spins round and kicks in the opposite direction...but the ball still flies toward the goal! Terrific. How did they miss that in playtesting...come to think of it, how did they miss the rest of the shit enclosed within this GD-Rom? And a woman commentating on football? SACRELIDGE! She's only there to look at "Bavid Deckhum"'s arse.

Exhibit E: Worldwide Soccer 2000
Not, as I was hoping, an update of the Earth shattering Saturn footy game Sega Worldwide Soccer '97. No, it's actually an update of smelly PSX footy game World League Soccer. It's even got the same commentary, poo graphics and cheap scoring methods. Silicon Dreams, you are the games developing equivalent of Andy Capp, you lazy gits.

Exhibit F: Worldwide Soccer: Euro Edition
The same as 2000, but with the most contradictory name since the
American baseball league decided to call it's premier competition the World Series.

Exhibit G: Xzibit
Oh Dear. His real name is Alvin Joiner and that's not his real voice...a 12 foot robot was sent back in time from the year 2376 and stands behind him in stealth mode - Alvin moves his mouth and the robot speaks. Tragic.


So there you have it. While the Dreamcast kicks a veritable black hole of arse when it comes to other sports* - Ice Hockey (NHL 2K), Nascar (Daytona), Tennis (Virtua Tennis 2), Athletics (ESPN Track & Field), F1 (F1 World Grand Prix 2), NFL (NFL Blitz), Rally (Sega Rally 2) and even squashing mice into a rocket before a huge cartoon cat gets them (Chu Chu Rocket)...it absolutley stinks when it comes to football. Bah.

Heres hoping the Dreamcast 2 gets the footy game it deserves.

* I've left out WWF Royal Rumble simply because I find the girth of Kurt Angle's neck morally wrong.

Also, many thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday on Saturday 4th March. Click here to see how many cards I got!

Totally Ridiculous Comparisons: No. 1

Seeing as today is my birthday (24 years old no less - and still playing games *tsk*), The Dreamcast Junkyard would like to use this joyous occasion to introduce the first in a new series of review based features: Totally Ridiculous Comparisons. Yes, as the name so cheekily hints at, this involves comparing two games that shouldnt really ever occupy the same sentence - let along be thrown into a 6 ft deep, shite filled pit together and ordered at gun point to scratch each others eyes out, pull each others hair and generally be unkind to each other.

First up:

Ferrari F355 Challenge Versus Star Wars Episode 1: Racer*

*This is mainly because they were bought at the same time (F355 came free with Racer), but I thought it would be fun anyway. So, how do they compare Monsieur?

Graphics

F355 is a graphical marvel. It looks so realistic it's frightening. I will however refrain from using the phrase 'so realistic you can smell the exhaust fumes,' for fear of being mistaken for a staff writer on an actual magazine. Tracks are gorgeous, cars are lovingly re-created and, well it's just generally lovely. No complaints here.

Racer is a blatant port of the PC/N64 version. While it has a higher frame rate and resolution than the Nintendo variant, it appears to be practically identical to the PC one. This doesn't mean it sucks, but it looks quite basic in comparison to F355. It moves at a fair old pace, though - and the tracks are quite imaginitive and stuffed full of detail. Some pretty dodgy textures in places though.

Winner: F355

Sound

Hmm, F355 is a mixed bag really. Has some excellent engine effects - really meaty and powerful sounding - just like a real Ferrari (I'd imagine, never having heard one in real life), BUT THAT MUSIC?! Jesus H. Christ...what is it? It sounds like a rock medly is about to kick in, but then some sort of Radio DJ pops up talking shite. I turned it down just incase one of my house mates heard it and thought I was into White Snake.

Cracking intro music - very rousing. Music on the menu screens is replaced with background noise from the Canteena where the game hub is based. In-game orchestral music is very subtle but seems to build up and get louder just as something good happens...I can't really describe it - maybe it's just coincidence that the music gets louder when you're battling for first place...but it does. Sound effects are top class too.

Winner: Racer

Gameplay:

This is horrible. There are so many driving assists it hurts. Granted, you can turn them off if you so wish but that just makes this twat of a game even worse. There is only the one in car view aswell (I know this is due to the 3 screen arcade heritage), which makes it hard to judge the virtual size of the rest of your vehicle and its dimensions on the track. This makes it difficult to hug a right hand turn because the F355 is left hand drive and you can't see where the right side of the car ends. Also: this game is way too hard. Yawn. Next.

Racer is like a polar opposite of F355. It's easy to pick up and play and is actually very enjoyable. Tight controls, excellent track design. No major problems.

Winner: Racer

Longevity:

You'l play F355 maybe 3 times before you realise it is impossible to a) win or b) complete a lap without finishing it in 7th or 8th place. Some stuff to unlock, but it'l be back on the shelf before you realise (or care).

Loads of tracks and vehicles to unlock. Great career mode and lots of upgrades to purchase with your hard won Trugguts. You'll be playing for ages.

Winner: Racer

Overall - F355: 1 Racer: 3

In the immortal words of Alan Sugar (or Donald Trump for our American readers) F355 - You're Fired. Here's your P45...Now get the fuck out of my face.

If you you can stomach reading even more bollocks about these two, check out my reviews of F355 here and Racer here

Next Time: Mr Thomas B. Clancy's Rainbow Six Versus Mr Bruno Bonnell's V-Rally 2! I can't wait...

Now though, I'm off to celebrate getting another year closer to my inevitable coffin by drinking unholy ammounts of beer and taking as many drugs as I can buy with the money from my pawned Dreamcast games. See you all in A & E!

Picture Overload!!!

When rose fingered Dawn swept across the sky this morning, I awoke to find that it had snowed overnight, turning this hell hole into something of a magical winter wonderland. As other people prepared to make snow angels and snowmen, I used my initiative and creativity to produce this: A Snowcast!
I've started noticing that there are quite a few PSP ads popping up too.
I saw this one and others like it on my way to work...

Then I turned a corner and saw this fucking behemoth plastered on the side of a building:

Now thats what I call advertising. Now, this is just a theory, but I reckon that if Sega had done something like this with the Dreamcast instead of this:Or this

then it might have lasted more than three poxy years. It wasn't all bad today though. At dinner time I prised myself away from my desk and forced myself outside. I wandered into a well known city centre goth-athon called 'Affleck's Palace' and found an original Pac Man arcade cabinet! Even better still, tucked away next to it was an original Sega Rally cabinet, complete with steering wheel and pedals. I had a quick go on it, but the years away from the awesome Saturn version have made me rusty and I was getting nowhere near my old personal best of about 48 seconds on the Desert track (with the Celica...the Lancia is a pig). Oh well.

Still a great game though, but it has to be the most uncomfortable-to-play arcade cabinet of all time...you have yo use pedals and stand up? Ridiculous!

I may be some time...

I mentioned earlier this week that I had had two new entrants in the 'Yard. The first, Unreal Tournament, left me cold. Not just chilly, but freezing - Captain Oates style . I've heard great things about it and have observed an aquaintance play it online (granted it was about 5 years ago, on the PC), but having sampled it's 'delights' for myself, I will make the following statement to the first person I bump into on the way to work in the morning - "It's Shite." And yes, that was a capital 's.' It's not that it's a bad game...it's just a bit, well, pointless. It's the Dreamcast equivalent of Turok: Rage Wars but -get this - NOT AS GOOD!

Quite.

The other new contestant faired slightly better. Ladies and Gentlemen, say Hello to Rush 2049! I have to admit that I've fallen in love with this game, which is strange because the technician who manufactured me said my cold mechanical heart could never know true love and then slapped me across the face with an old slipper. Aaaanyway, moving ever so swiftly on, I've finally written a review of Rush 2049 and it can be found...

Here.

Also, I'm still on the quest to change that LED, but I need to get a soldering iron first and seeing as baked beans (see right) are cheaper and more essential to maintaining basic life functions than a soldering iron, the project may be delayed by a week. Or maybe two. It will not be a Wembley Stadium sized delay though, and is unlikely to cost the British taxpayer several million pounds. Thank you for your co-operation.

"Get a Life...Get a Dreamcast..."

Yes, that rather outlandish claim does exist somewhere else apart from above the Ivory and Platinum Gates that mark the entrance to the Dreamcast Junkyard. It exists here, as part of a UK Launch promo video.

Also, out of sheer boredom (right), this evening saw me try out Planet Ring for the first time. It's meant to be some sort of online theme park where you take part in various simple games with other players via the wonders of the internet. However, as I've stated elsewhere, my DC is not hooked up to the net so all that happened when I tried to play was a message that the console was looking for an internet connection... When it couldnt find one it just exited to the 'start' screen. Fellow Blogger son_et_lumiere made a comment about an 'infinity loop' in one of Jet Set Radio's levels a few weeks back...well, I think I've inadvertantly discovered a new one.

Next, here's a delightful Chu Chu Rocket advert. Why can't all games ads be as downright fucking lovely as this? If they were, I'm sure we'd all be much happier. Not only in our work, but also in our dreams. Cough.

Finally, stay tuned as I attempt to modify my DC by changing that grotesque orange LED to a more PAL-friendly blue one...results and pictures will follow soon. Fingers crossed I don't accidentally blow up a) my Dreamcast; or (less importantly) b) myself.

Butterfly Effect

Alternative realities are very cool. If any of the complete and utter bullshit published by 'Academics' on the internet has even a modicum of truth in it, there is a possibility that there are an infinate number of alternative Earths where me, you and even Noel Edmunds live totally different lives. In a similar way, there is probably an Earth where the gaming masses aren't brain-dead sheep who's minds are so susceptible to advertising and hype that they ignore truly revolutionary console design in favour of boring, EA funded Sony-manufactured white elephants. On this Earth, if you walk into Gamestation or GAME, you are likely to see the following adorning the shelves:



Good eh?! Also, in this reality there is no such thing as PAL and NTSC - everything is universal! The only problem is that the only edible substance on the planet is Fray Bentos pies. Still, you can't have everything.

Lost and Found

I've been doing some Google Archaeology (TM) today and have discovered some intriguing stuff...
I know I've mentioned the Dreamcast version of Half-Life in the past (see Profile), but according to Wikipedia - the online encyclopaedia, there was another pretty decent first person shoot 'em up destined for the Dreamcast...Halo!

It's true - go here to see for yourself. I loved the original Halo on the Xbox - it was one of the greatest games I've ever experienced. Halo 2 was aaalright, but not as impressive as the prequel in my extremely humble opinion. This is pure speculation, but I suspect that the DC version of Halo was cancelled (if indeed it ever got past the planning stage) due to the failure of the system - but to be brutally honest, the move from the DC to the Xbox was probably the best thing that could have happened to it. As much as I adore the Dreamcast, I just can't see the hardware being able to produce as smooth, seamless and graphically astounding title as the Xbox did.

Anyway, Wikipedia is worth checking out if only to glimpse some of the other titles that never emerged. Further to those, I remember being pretty excited about the Dreamcast's answer to Goldeneye - Take The Bullet (top left). I read about it in a mag...then nothing. Another such game was Picasso (bottom left), a cat burgler simulator with impressive graphics and interesting stealth elements...but alas, that too vanished without a trace. How appropriate...

Finally, what the hell happened to that good looking truck racer 4X4 Evolution?! Answers on a postcard.

Mags, Games & Buffoons

Over the years I have squandered a pretty large sum of cash on gaming periodicals. This is evident by the fact that I now have in my possesion something like 200 mags that chronicle my gaming tastes over the last 15 years. This journey of games-related prose begins in the early days of Amiga Power, Sega Power and Games World, continues through the Golden Age of the Saturn with Mean Machines Sega and Saturn Power, ventures into a land of unimaginable gaming greatness with N64 Magazine and then continues further with Dreamcast Magazine. The quality then takes something of a nosedive as we approach the more current mags, but I live in the hope that some day the Amiga Power team will reform - not unlike the Blues Brothers - and embark on a car chase through games land, crushing Nazis and saving the print mag industry from a slide into oblivion...

However, I digress.

The reason for this post is to showcase some of the Dreamcast Mags that I have been able to recover for the 'Yard. Here's a rundown of the different mags:

Official Dreamcast Mag; Dreamcast Magazine; DC-UK; Dreamcast
Monthly and the ubiquitous Mr Dreamcast. I also have a large number of Dreamcast launch related mags and for this reason have accepted them in (see Total Control and EGM in the above picture). And while they are obviously now defunct, there are some excellent reviews and features, although Official Dreamcast Mag's feature on the future of gaming (in the year 2050, no less) that still features Sega Hardware was perhaps a little optimistic...However, this buffoon (above) obviously still managed to glean some joy from it.

The 'Yard's games quota has also taken another boost - the new arrivals are Unreal Tournament and Rush 2049. Unreal is a wierd one, it's intended for multiplayer action but online gaming was left out for the PAL release. This is now irrelevant though due to many of the DC online servers being shut down and I don't have a Dreamcast Broadband Adaptor anyway (thanks to Diogo for the pointer) - dial up is sooo 1999, darling. Rush 2049 on the other hand is more of the same from the Rush series - big, bold, garish, FUN racing. Superb.

Reviews will follow when I get round to it. Shcnaarf.