Dreamcast? Art?!
To be fair, it only took me about 10 minutes to actually create the thing in photoshop, but it was a freaking nightmare trying to work out which bits of the template's HTML I needed to mess about with. Hair tearing just isn't the phrase. And to avoid the original 'Dreamcast Junkyard' text logo appearing over the new image, I've had to rename this blog '.' (yep, it's a full stop).
The image above is taken from this website, Gamingredients, which features a decent Fall Of Sega article and also an interesting collection of 'arty' shots of the Dreamcast and Saturn. It doesn't appear to have been updated for about a year, but it makes for a pleasant sideline. I also discovered this rather interesting site (with the strangest URL I've ever seen) that has info on Dreamcast programming, burning DC images and getting CD-Rs to run. Check it out peeps.
Apart from that, Phantasy Star Online still ain't arrived, but on a lighter note my review of Speed Devils online has been published so feel free to have a gander by clicking on this link. As ever - all comments are very much appreciated. Except those ones from Frank8888 who explains that my site is "Good, with much discussion...perhaps you'd like to buy some time-share real estate in California..."
Suddenly, comment verification has become a most interesting prospect.
V for Vacuous
From the outset, the vision of a futuristic
Yep, there's more...
As well as that, I gave in to temptation earlier and did actually take those two games back to the shop (Suzuki Alstare and Speed Devils Online). I exchanged 'em for the original Speed Devils and...eek!...Spirit of Speed 1937!!!
Now, The Dreamcast Junkyard is 100% supportive of the Dreamcast for obvious reasons (it being the greatest Sega console ever, and Sega being the greatest games company ever...as the Americans may be heard to frequently exclaim - "Do The Math!"), but is in no way biased. If a Dreamcast game is great - I'll say so...but likewise if a game sucks, the 'Yard will tell it like it is.
Using that ideology, Spirit of Speed sucks. A lot. Even to the point of sucking ass. A few reasons squire?
- You get a tarmac/tire squeal when you accelerate on grass!
- The graphics are atrocious.
- The frame rate often dips to flickerbook levels. Like the ones of a bouncing ball you used to draw on the corner of your maths book in school. But less entertaining.
- The loading times last for eons - indeed, this gamer watched the rise and fall of an empire of bacteria in an old yogurt pot before the first menu even appeared.
As I already suspected, Speed Devils Offline is vastly superior to the Online variant and has a fantastic single player championship (and as mentioned in an earlier post, superior graphics and music too). It's actually a lot like Rush, but with more detailed tracks and more customisability (not sure if that is an actual word). Overall: a damn fine game, peeps.
New review here too. Lest we forget the HORROR of Army Men: Sarge's Heroes...
Daylight Robbery
Now, yesterday's haul wasn't the most fruitful. The games I decided to get were Suzuki Alstare Racing and Speed Devils Online. I realised that without an online connection (and the fact that the servers probably lie dormant in a dark, dusty room in an abandoned warehouse), I wouldnt be able to play Speed Devils Online...erm..online. But, as one would deduce using only the most meagre amount of brain power - Speed Devils Online (SDO) must be superior to the original in single player because it is the pseudo sequel. Surely, if anything it should be identical? Wrong.
What Ubisoft have actually done with SDO is strip out the entire single player game from the original and replace it with a 'single race' mode with all of the unlockale cars, tracks etc already fully availible. Why?!?!? The single player aspects of the original where what made it so good. The gambling of cash, the upgrading, the rivalries between racers...All gone!
And on top of that (get this), the graphics are actually worse in SDO than in the first game. How? Why? I don't know but the original looks pretty sweet - very smooth, very shiny and with some great lighting effects. SDO has blurred, grainy textures and is about as much fun as sitting on a knitting needle. And the cars don't turn anymore. You just have to make do with hitting the walls at every turn and scraping around. Believe me, this ain't no Daytona 2001.
Suzuki Alstare on the other hand allows me to play the first track in arcade mode...then hangs on the loading screen. From what I've played of it (and remember from the first time I owned a Dreamcast while it was actually still in the picture), Suzuki isn't a bad little game at all. It's certainly very playable and the bikes handle really well. Graphics are certainly colourful but hardly spectaular...but overall quite pleasant. I was considering taking them back to the shop for either a refund or an exchange, but to be fair they only cost £2.50 each and it's not worth the hassle, so they'll be consigned to a special area of the Junkyard called 'the shed'.
Gentlemen, SARS your engines...
Unless your name is Thomas 'Neo' Anderson (another plug for the name Thomas, by the way), you ain't dodging shit my friend.
So lets look at the facts. The future has lasers, Alien invasion from hostile forces, terrorism, SARS, Bird Flu and Ebola. The future also has PS3, Revolution (smirk) and the 360 (even broader smirk). The past has Robin Hood, the discovery of a large black obelisk by a group of homo-sapiens and the creation of the wrestling move 'The Walls of Jericho.' The past also has the Deamcast and Daytona 2001.
Harnessing the power of the past and the sheer number crunching might of Pythagoras(pictured, yesterday)'s ghost , the Dreamcast Junkyard's continent sized mainframe has devised the following equation, where the past = E, the present = D, the future = R, games = s, originality = A and Peace on Earth = C+AM2-T:
D+R = E - AM2 (A x s) T
So there it is. Maths turns up the funniest things dunnit?!
Mork calling Orson, Come in Orson...
Yeah...the joke's on you...*sniff*
But enough of this ridiculous bullshit (see above). You see, my bedroom is quickly becoming a sort of archive of Dreamcast related stuff. I can't even sleep in my bed because one of the lightguns has shacked up with the keyboard in it. Now I sleep under the desk while those two dirty bastards make weird noises and giggle...filthy bastards. But I digress so I'll start again. You see, because I have so many games (56, no less), I find I never have the time to play any of them to any great extent before another one clamours for my attention.
Not so with Virtua Tennis 2.
For this game I would happily climb to the summit of Mount Olympus, olive wreath in hand; toga across my broad metallic shoulders, and wrestle with Zeus the Cloud Gatherer (pictured) in an awesome battle to control time itself - just to create longer periods of 'spare' time in which to play one more match of Virtua Tennis 2.
You see, everything about VT2 is sublime. The animation is freaking amazing! you know in some games where the characters carry out their pre-defined animation and then it sort of stops and then defaults to just standing there? WELL THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN IN VIRTUA TENNIS 2!! Even better, you know how female tennis players let out that orgasmic scream when they hit a particularly hard volley and you just want them to SHUT THE FUCK UP?!?!?! Well, my fine bespectacled chums - that happens too. Quality. And you know how Tim Henman is fucking shit at tennis in real life? Well, yeah - you guessed it.
A bit of advice for Tim just in case he's reading: Tim, you posh twat - fuck off and stop getting the hopes of the nation up every single year at Wimbledon before ruthlessly dashing them and promising to come back next year and win. It aint gonna happen: You can't even win in Virtua Tennis 2, how you gonna win in real friggin' life?!?! Harsh, yes - but Galactic Empire defeatingly fair.
Anyway, I'm just off to make love to...er...'play' Virtua Tennis 2. Just a final thought...wonder what the kids would look like if that lightgun gets the keyboard pregnant...?
Just a final, final thought: look at these two different boxes for the PAL version of VT2 (above). The one on the left is the UK version, whilst the one on the right is...well from where? Spot the difference? The Williams sisters have been airbrushed out - bizarre only because they feature on every other box I can find be it PAL or NTSC (see further below).
It's time to spend some Crazy Money!
Oh yes...the game? THE GAME!!! Er...wait, er...what? Oh yeah - the game! Crazy Taxi! Saw it for £2 in a second hand shop this lunchtime so snapped it up no questions asked. Some people reckon it's actually superior to the sequel and in some ways I'd be inclined to agree. The cities in the first game are a lot more inventive with more open spaces to blaze across. The pop-up can be pretty horrific in places and some of the city's locations are plagued by mysterious bouts of slow-down, but the sound track is superior (even if The Offspring ain't your cup of tea...or freshly brewed arabica) and it just feels more...original. I know that's a set of fairly vague reasons for preferring the original, but I think anyone else who also owns both games would tend to agree that the first Crazy Taxi has a certain something that the sequel doesn't. Quite possibly a soul. Hmmm...
Anyway, if you ever happen to be on Fountain Street in Manchester here's a word of advice - don't go into the newsagents next door to 'Great American Sandwich,' because the thieving twats have the cheek to charge 95p for a bottle of Lucozade. And me writing that ain't scandalous - it's the fucking truth. Peace.
And before I forget AGAIN...here's my views on the fabulous Metropolis Street Racer (pictured below).Found these other DC mock up's while browsing the net...they're pretty good eh?!
Capcom (back) Online
The problem was due to my 'template' - the bit with all the HTML for the blog - simply deleting half of itself for no apparent reason. According to Blogger's help forums, it's quite a common occurance, so I recommend that other blogger users copy and paste their current 'template' into a Microsoft Word document so that if it ever happens agin, you can just paste it back into the HTML window.
In other, more important news you can now read my review of crusty shoot 'em up Charge 'N Blast here.
Oh yeah, forgot about this - a few posts ago I mentioned that I was in the process of downloading what promised to be a Sega Saturn emulator for the Dreamcast. I don't even know why I bothered giving it the time of day because I know there isn't a fully functioning Saturn emulator avilible as yet, let alone one that will play commercial games. It took me 3 days (on and off) to download this 'Saturn Boot Disk' off limewire and when I burnt it onto a CD and tried to run it, the DC just went to the dreaded CD Player screen. Not one to be defeated easily, I tried to start it using the RadQuake booter to no avail, and also tried the Utopia disk. Strangely, the Utopia disk started to load something, but then the floating Reindeer (you'll know what I'm talking about if you've used Utopia before) went a bit wired and a picture of what appeared to be two semi-naked men in a bathroom appeared...I'm not making this up! Alas, the 'Saturn' disk didn't do anything else, but I'm very intrigued as to what it is I have actually downloaded. The case will remain open (for now) pending further investigation...
To round off this info burst, go have a look at the newest entrant into the world of Sega related blogs, Sega Freaks. It's compiled by The Gagaman, a regular commentor on the 'Yard and all round Sega nut (according to unconfirmed reports, The Gagaman has leased a black hole from the Imperial Galactic Council of Cleethorpes in order to store his Sega Collection in). Check it out, Y'all - it's the shiz-nay. Cough.
This is just a Tribute...
Until then though, let's rejoice at the some of the marvellous examples of Sega-powered gaming that have made it into the Junkyard thus far...
Daytona USA 2001
The ultimate NASCAR game. I had both of the originals on the Saturn and was something of a fan back then, but it's so much better being able to race around Three Seven Speedway and be able to actually see the Sonic wall when you're more than 20 feet away from it (the pop up in the original was horrendous and not massively improved in the pseudo sequel Daytona USA: Championship Circuit Edition). The car handling leaves a lot to be desired, but for all out arcade style action you can't beat Daytona for thrills a minute. And the graphics...Oh God the graphics...Dreamcast underpowered? Have a look at Daytona then come back and say that. Cretin.
The 2K Sports games
By '2K' I mean NBA2K and NHL2K. The 2K2 updates were never launched in the PAL territories I presume because Sega didn't think they'd sell enough to warrant it. However, the original 2K Sports games really are spectacular renditions of their subject matter. I'm not a big fan of US sports (for the most part they don't make much sense...what the hell is NFL all about?!), but basketball and hockey are pretty simple sports to game-ify and when you add presentation like that seen here, you're onto a winner. Both games look awesome and the attention to detail is astounding. Commentary is very life like and there are lots of options to tinker with...I don't even like basketball but I play NBA2K quite often simply because it's such a good game.
Virtua Tennis 1 & 2
The best tennis games ever created and that's a fucking fact. Graphics are unbelievably good, the sound is perfect and the gameplay...well that's perfect too. Virtua Tennis 1 doesnt have that many play modes, but Tennis 2 has a full blown career mode built in and you can kit your tennis player out with all sorts of tennis based guff, from head bands to new shoes etc. As with most Sega games, the attention to detail is astounding - watch the ball boys/girls dodge a wayward volley or the shadow of the clouds create changes in lighting on the tennis court. Amazing stuff.
F1 World Grand Prix 2
This F1 game is, in my very humble opinion, one of the best ever made. It's not as indepth or as good looking as some of the later F1 games on the Xbox for example, but for pick up and play handling and tight gameplay you can't beat it. It's also got PlayStation advertising in it, but I'll forgive and forget.
Jet Set Radio
One of the Dreamcast's defining games. A truly unique title at the time it was released (since then everyone and their mum has done cell shading), and a true genre definer. The soundtrack is fantastic - I could actually listen to it while not even playing the thing...it's that good. In an age where originality is lacking in games, Jet Set Radio is a prime example of Sega's unrivalled greatness when it comes to new ideas.
18 Wheeler
Not a big hit with everyone, but I think its an often overlooked title. Sure, it's got a few problems (scruffy graphics, not a lot of replay value), but who else could make trucking into a game - and make it fun?! Since this came out there's been the apalling mess that is Big Mutha Truckers, but that pile of shite doesn't come close to 18 Wheeler.
There are a host of other titles that the Dreamcast Junkyard would like to give a special mention to and I urge you to seek them out and play them...and witness true greatness...
Space Channel 5, Out Trigger, Crazy Taxi 2, Code Veronica...
Just thinking about all the FUCKING KICK-ASS games on the DC is making me Dr David Banner style angry...can't control hands...things becoming hazy...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!...SHOW THE NON BELIEVERS WHAT THEY ARE MISSING!!! PS2? FUCK THAT SHIT! DREAMCAST IS KING!!!
Now where's that Kalashnikov got to...
Tomleecee: Big Game Hunter
The initial outlook was bleak. After nearly an hour of aimless wandering around boring twatting clothes shops, I hadn't spotted a single games emporium...and then I turned a corner and saw a 'Gamestop.' Now, I now that this is an American chain of shops much like our own Gamestation so I literally sprinted into the place with high hopes of Dreamcast-related bargains aplenty. Alas, after clearing his greasy mop of hair from his eyes, the oil slick behind the counter grunted that they didn't stock Dreamcast stuff. Fuck, Fuck and indeed Fuck thrice.
A few minutes later I spotted a sign that marked the entrance to the promised land: Gamestation! Guess what...1 Fucking Dreamcast game!!!! I shit you not. That is the first time I have ever been into a Gamestation and been shocked at the lack of DC stuff...they didn't even have a customary ball of tangled up control pads hanging out of a dead tramp's pocket like they do in the two Gamestations near me. I left, dejected...walked straight past GAME (the mortal enemy of all Dreamcast owners), down a strange alleyway in search of a Chippy...and lo and behold there was a tiny independent games shop with no sign! I slowly pushed back the door to find a Gremlins curio shop-esque interior full of Xbox and PS2 stuff.
I ventured in deeper and found the tiniest selection of DC games imaginable...however as the old phrase goes - it's all about the quality and not the quantity. You see, what greeted me was Virtua Tennis 2, Daytona 2001, Crazy Taxi, Ecco, NBA 2K and Sega Bass Fishing. I picked up VT2, Daytona (both modelled by my friend, Mr Scribblehead - he's a real hit with the ladies by the way), NBA2K and Bass Fishing for under £20. Oh, and a rumble pack thing for a quid (modelled by a Gamecube - a friend of Mr Scribblehead and a bit of a useless waster). Bargainous I think you'll agree.
Tabloid in Bullshit Scandal!
But it gets even more embarrasing! Oh yeah, baby! The bottom half of the page is taken up by an interview with the 'Steven Spielberg of games,' Mr Shigeru Miyamoto. Apart from the fact that the interview reads as if it were copied and pasted together from seperate articles found on the internet, Mr Weinberg tells us that:
"Making games mainstream through innovations in technology has always been Nintendo's ambition - from humble beginnings with Space Invaders to the million-selling Nintendo DS..."
Er...WHAT?! Space Invaders was created by Nintendo? Funny...I always thought that accolade went to Taito. And naturally, there's no mention of the complete disasters that were the Virtual Boy and 64DD...
Totally Ridiculous Comparisons: No. 2
Charge N Blast on the other hand does nothing really spectacular. Everything is nicely modelled, but the effects aren't exactly "Oh shit - how good does this look?!?!?!" A bit like the Martine McCutcheon of games - you would...but stunning? More functional. And that's Charge N Blast I'm talking about. There are some nice explosions thrown about, but it all looks a bit Lego.
Winner: Super Runabout
Sound
Charge N Blast has sound? In the immortal words of the DOOM manual when describing the Lost Soul: Nuff Said.
Gameplay
Charge N Blast is really just a fancy 3D update of Space Invaders - your robot can only be moved left and right along the bottom of the screen while you shoot the big nasty aliens with a 'myriad' of chargeable missiles, lasers and water pistols. You can also use harsh language if you wish, but that will just make you look like a retard. Before you think "Hmmm...He's likened it to Space Invaders...it must be alright..." IT'S NOT.
Winner: Super Runabout
Longevity
Once you've got to grips with the abominable controls (about 5 minutes), it'll become apparent that you are actually wasting precious seconds of your life. Imagine the Dreamcast swirl layed flat and then picked up from the centre so it hangs down like a particularly disgusting Christmas decoration from £-Stretcher. That is your Mortal Coil, and you are hurtling ever closer to the end...until eventually, you fall off.
Overall - Runabout: 3 Charge N Blast: 0
So there it is, my uber-cool Dreamcast loving Amigos. An FA Cup 'Liverpool 7 - Birmingham City 0' style routing of Charge N Blast by Super (De-dooper) Runabout. But with the added bonus of not having to look at Steve Bruce's appaling excuse for a face at the final whistle. GONCH*!!!
*This word has no actual meaning.
Tom Cruise, please DIE.
In my absence, GT2 arrived - so this evening I decided to bother putting it in my drive and it predictably worked. It's very, very, very good - about 26.9% better than the F*CKING BORE-ATHON that is Sega's answer to the Polyphony Digital masterpiece, Sega GT. As a 100% Segaphile (that is, looking through PUB WINDOWS for OLD PEOPLE playing on GameGears/Nomads and wanking off*), I must admit that Sega GT is still a fairly passable 'GT' game, what with it's tuning and build a car options...but it just don't compete with Gran Turismo 2. Sad, but Christmas-destroyingly true.It only cost me £2.50 and I suspect my debit card actually bounced before the seller could get my cash, so I have the sneaking suspicion I got it for free. Therefore, I'm not complaining about the polygon tearing and full VMU for a save file...
I also nearly bought MDK2 and Record Of Lodoss War today, but realised that they were both a bag of shit so instead got myself a Big Mac Meal. In yo' face Morgan Spurlock. Incidentally, Record Of Lodoss War looks nowhere near as impressive as this image:
Last night I attempted to play Army Men: Sarge's Heores without breaking down into a tearful mess of a man. I managed to get to the third level before I seriously thought about picking up my SA80 and shooting my commanding officer...
Lastly, War Of The Worlds...Oh my FUCKING God. What the HELL is going on there? Tom Cruise rescuing his brattish kids from a war you never acually see? Do me a favour...
The original was ABOUT A WAR between Humans and Aliens. In that obscene waste of celulloid there is ONE scene where mankind fights back. And we get twatted (I presume, considering we NEVER ACTUALLY SEE FUCK ALL). Have a word with yourself Steven, you fucking Hollywood cunt.
*Disclaimer -this has been edited due to moral outrage.