Last week, whilst searching the internet when I really should have been working, I came across an eBay auction for a miniature Dreamcast keyring:

Obviously, being the complete Dreamcast freak that I am, I knew that as soon as my pupils took in it's majesty, fate had decided that I would inevitably own it. Alas, not wanting to incur the unspeakable wrath of the work-based Internet Monitoring Agency (IMA - similar to the CIA, only much more brutal), I refrained from 'buying it now,' just incase said shaved monkeys were able to ID me from the transaction and then approach my cubicle.

I'm sick of scaling the facades of office blocks to escape The Man.

Anyways - to turn an incredibly dull story into an incredibly brief one: got home, item sold yadda yadda yadda. Unpeturbed, I Googled (how pretentious) for another one and like a fat, bespectacled 36 year old virgin who still lives at home with his parents might, say, drop a malteser under his bed, get down on his hands and knees, squeeze underneath and retrieve the choclatey treat from it's new home among the mass of dog eared copies of Readers' Wives and crispy balls of tissue paper - only to discover a half eaten peparami (Oh joy of joys!); I discovered THIS! The Dreamcast Gallery!!!

But before I continue, let me assure you - valued reader - that I am neither fat, bespectacled, 36, or a virgin...although the rest of that analogy is eerily close to the truth. Except that it was a half eaten pot noodle under my bed. Poetic license.

"Get on with it, cocksucker!" I hear you cry, so without further ado:

Yes, The Dreamcast Gallery is (as the name suggests) a pictoral journey through Dreamcast Land and features several sections including:

  • Consoles (prototypes and various cool special editions that we in the United Kingdom NEVER GOT!)
  • Contollers (see above - mainly ones WE NEVER GOT!)
  • VMUs (yep...more cool VMUs - mainly get the idea)
  • Merchandise (Cool DC related paraphenalia)
  • Development Kit (boring gits only, I'm afraid)

Just incase you have an IQ comparable to that of an almond, here's a few lovely illustrations of what to expect:

It's an inflatable cushion! Now you too can fart and slide about on the Dreamcast logo!

Look like a total ponce AND a geek in the gym? I have the very thing, Sir: A Dreamcast bottle holder! Of course, you could fill it with Cider and be the envy of all of the other tramps down at the bus station...

Rolex? Schmolex! Tag Hauer? Slag Heurgh! The real Gentleman's timepiece comes with a sweaty resin strap and an orange swirl.

I have to be honest - I have no friggin idea what this thing is meant to be. It's called a 'Swatch,' apparently.

Ah - it's a motion sensor wanking aid. Shoulda guessed, really. Maybe for use with Phantasy Star Onyourown. Yak.

A Karaoke add-on. Can't see why this was canned - it could have been as big as the Mega CD. Or even the 32X.

Last but not least - a fluffy Dreamcast! Something every hardcore gamer needs: something to hold during those cold, lonely (Never)winter nights. Ahem.

The Dreamcast Gallery - go there now, and bask in it's overall warm fuzzy glow. And for anyone who cares - I didn't manage to get the keyring. I got something even better instead...more to follow...


Animated AF said...

Actually, that karaoke device was released in Japan, although to be honest they could have asily made a karaoke game hat just uses the mircophone add-on that came with Seaman. You were able to go online and download up to 5000different songs for it, though.

gnome said...

Ahh! A great post good-morning.

Animated AF said...

So come on, what's this thing you bought?

Tom Charnock said...

ha ha! All will be revealed soon enough...! =D