Kiss Psycho Circus - Videogame Torture

I've played some great games on a variety of systems so far this year - Resident Evil 5, Gears Of War 2, Left 4 Dead, God Of War, Resident Evil (remake), House Of the Dead Overkill, Tekken: Dark Resurrection, and so on... But in every gamers life comes the need to reconnect with his Dreamcast, and most recently I decided to do this via the unholy game mentioned above.

Thus, I've played/endured a Dreamcast game called Kiss Psycho Circus: the Nightmare Child. And what a fucking nightmare it was...

If you look at the sidebar of the Dreamcast Junkyard, you'll see a section devoted to Tomleecee's Dreamcast reviews. In there, is a review of Kiss Psycho Circus, which says: "This game is appalling. Rubbish graphics, rubbish design, just plain rubbish." I should have heeded the words of our leader, instead I chose to recklessly ignore them.

I'd played it a little way back in the day, and my hazy memory recalled it as being a little bit different to anything I'd seen before. It was, in fact, the first the first FPS I'd ever played. But some sort of software or hardware glitch had cut my playing experience short. Six or so years later, I decided to give it a go for the second time...


So what is this monstrosity all about then? Ostensibly a first person shooter/mythical quest type thing, the game has very tenuous links to the rock legends Kiss. In fact it's got more to do with a comic: "KISS: Psycho Circus chronicles the adventures of an unusual traveling circus. The macabre stories focus on exploring the deepest, darkest corners of the human soul." (according to Image Comics.)

So what's it got to do with the band then? (initially the main selling point for me - who doesn't like spandex and stage make up???)

Well, fuck all really! You might find a jukebox or stereo which will play a Kiss song. As the player, you go around collecting pieces of Kiss costumes... Ace Frehley's platform boots, Gene Simmon's shoulder pads or Peter Criss's cod-piece. There are rumours on the internet that if you put the GD rom in your PC that you'll get a Kiss pinball game - not true. There are also rumours that if you put the GD rom in a CD player, it'll play a few classic Kiss tunes -also not true. You do, however get a very snotty sounding English lady telling you take the disc out of your CD player, as it's only compatable with the Dreamcast (!) which is quite surreal...



The game ends up being a very tedious run through of a middle of the road, dated, FPS. Some of the game's monsters are pretty well designed, some of the landscapes boldly coloured in psychedelic hues, which make it alright to look at for a while, and graphically lies at a kind of cross between Half Life and the more trippy boss levels in NiGHTS. Having said that, why when some publishers were able to come up with graphics as good as Soul Calibur, Sonic Adventure, Code Veronica or Headhunter, did so many Dreamcast software publishers settle for knocking out games which look average, like Death Crimson OX, or this one?



The game gives you nothing for your dogged completion of levels. No 'easter eggs', interesting cut scenes, hidden mini games or unlockables. If you die you get put back a long way, meaning the necessity of replaying of elements of the game over, and over, and over again. The story is literally one of the most convoluted pieces of bullshit ever, one that I can't be bothered to relate. The cutscenes that are in the game are minimal, there's nothing to collect and the boss battles are never really going to inspire. After literally hours of playing through seventeen, long, long levels, the game just fizzled out with one of the most boring and simple boss fights ever. Nothing memorable at all.



I was hoping for a Dreamcast revelation, a repeat of the joy I found when I played 'SOTB: Gut's Rage' last year, or completing Headhunter earlier this year. But the only joy I had from completing this game is knowing that I beat it, completed it and I'll never have to play this particular piece of crapola again!

Stop - Shower Time!

Went round to see the old dear over Easter. She hadn't bought me any Easter eggs, which I'm sure you'll agree is bloody outrageous. Anyhow, upon entering her bathroom to throw up in disgust, imagine the surprise when I saw her shower curtain:

Dreamcast swirls inhabiting my mum's bathroom. Who'd have thought it?

Ignoring claims that I should 'get out more,' I've gone and got myself on Xbox Live. It's pretty good ain't it? Except for the chavs infesting Project Gotham 3, that is. Feel free to add me to your list - Tomleecee1982.

FIN.

Vomitus!

Hello all! Happy 2008! I know what you’re thinking: Who the fuck is this asshole wishing me and my emo/goth/virgin suicide imaginary friend a ‘happy’ new year? It’s me! Uncle Tomleecee! There I am! Christ almighty, been a while ain’t it? Well, you’ll be glad to hear that I’m alive and well, and aside from fighting the ‘war on terror,’ I’m also fighting the war on mainstream gamers forgetting the legacy of the greatest console the world has ever known. That’s right: The Dreamcast. So what’s been going on eh? Well, the Gagaman, the Father and new(ish) recruit Caleb have been holding the fort quite respectably in my absence, and my heart goes out to ‘em. A tear is quite literally forming on my cold metallic cheek and forging a path downward toward my granite like pectoral as I write this. Sniff. Lads: Respec’. However, let’s get down to business. I’m here to happily report that my DC game purchasing activity has not been dormant, which is more that can be said about my postage here at the ‘Yard.

The internet, they say, is a wonderful thing. When you can get it, of course. That said, I have been scrounging other, more God-fearing people’s unsecured wireless connections for some time now and as such, thought it only decent to put said free bandwidth to good use and come on here to inform you, the great washed, of my recent (and not so recent) addi
tions to my bulging – nay burgeoning - Dreamcast catalogue of games…

But before I continue my diatribe - a gripe. Gamestation. What the fuck has happened there then? Once the last bastion of Dreamcasters everywhere, the Helms Deep of retro gamers, Gamestation has ceased to stock Dreamcast games!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?! I went into one branch – that shall remain anonymous for it’s own sake, but lets just say it’s in the south of England. Well, Somerset – where the spotty, Dickies-wearing fuck up behind the counter didn’t even know what a Dreamcast was!!! HOW DARE THEY EMPLOY SUCH A CUNT. So there it is. Gamestation is now an enemy of our state. Final Solution? Ebay.

And that’s where this story starts. Ebay. I remember a time when I simply refused to buy anything off ebay because of the postage costs sellers forced upon me. £3.50 to send a game in the post is not unreasonable. IT’S FUCKING SCANDALOUS. Ahem. However, desperate times call for desperate measures. So I’ve swallowed my ‘pride,’ bitten the proverbial bullet, and coughed up a lung to pay these ‘postage costs.’ And what has this behavior merited? Games galore, my friends, GAMES FUCKING GALORE!

So let’s review the situation, Fagin stylee: But before we do, go and make a brew and grab a packet of hobnobs. This may take a while…

Evil Twin: Cyprien’s Chronicles

Has anyone ever even heard of this? I hadn’t until I bought it. For twenty quid. Most I’ve ever paid for a DC game I think. I’m pretty sure that this was one of the Dreamcast’s final releases, and you can tell. Graphically, it’s quite superb – think Rayman 2 but with a more mature feel. But I’m jumping the gun. You play as a young orphan dude called Cyprien who must venture into a strange world called Undabed and kill stuff. Not original, no – but quite unique on the DC. Think Mario 64 with nicer, darker visuals and swearing – yes, swearing!, and that’s Evil Twin. Quality. 8/10

Le Mans 24 Hours

A bit legendary this. A racing sim that allows you to race for 24 hours. Yep, 24 HOURS. Who the fuck is sad enough to sit there for 24 hours, you might be thinking. No one. So you can go into the pits and save your progress. Genius! Le Mans 24 Hrs is basically a tarted up port of the PSX game of the same name, and by tarted up I mean overhauled. The graphics are simply astounding, the handling of the cars sublime and the loading times ridiculous. Verdict: One of the best looking and best playing games on the DC. There are loads of real life cars and plenty of tracks to race on, but let’s get to the point: The visuals are far and away the best thing about Le Mans. Put this next to any PS2 or Xbox game and ask a passing cretin to tell the difference. They can’t. 9/10

Buggy Heat

Launch game alert! Dodgy lifespan alert! Buggy Heat. The world and his (fat, ugly) wife have played this. 4X4 sand buggies racing around boring, grainy tracks. Yawn. Limited play modes, basic graphics, crap music. Now rewind to 1998: WOW! This game looks IN-KER-EDIBLE!! Look at the in-game gear shift view! Look at the pseudo real time headlight effects! Look at the AI! Quite. Cost me all of 1p. No, Really. And I got what I paid for. Not that it’s not fun to have a blast on – it’s just not MSR. 5/10

Snow Surfers

Launch game alert! Dodgy lifespan alert! Snow Surfers. The world and his (bespectacled, obese) wife have played this. It’s a snowboarding game. It’s slow. It’s impossible to pull off tricks without landing on your face. It’s not a patch on 1080 Snowboarding, and even that is gash – so what hope for Snow Surfers? None. It’s endorsed by some nondescript ‘boarding company though, so it’s got that going for it. Next! 4/10

Q. Can I be bothered looking for decent pics of Snow Surfers?

A. No.

Tomb Raider: Chronicles

Lara, Lara – where for art thou Lara? She may have disappeared in recent times thanks to a series of shit films with Rimmer in them; and a load of wank PSP/PS2 ‘games,’ but back in the day, Tomb Raider was the business. Chronicles is the second, and best, TR game on the DC and pretty much goes back to the roots of the first couple of games: You play as Croft and run, leap and roll around various maze like levels. Granted, only a few of them are actually tombs (mainly cities, sunken ships, (badly guarded) military bases etc), but it’s still good fun nonetheless. Furthermore, Chronicles actually looks as if it was programmed for the DC rather than just ported from the PSX – the visuals are quite good and Lara’s animation is spot on. Not as good as Flashback, mind - but good all round effort from Eidos. Which makes a change. 7/10

Rainbow Six: Rogue Spear

Fuck me. I’ve personally never experienced an epileptic fit, but after playing Rogue Spear I can pretty much guess what it must feel like. Put simply, no matter how good the PC version may be, the DC version is unplayable because of the screen update issues. Imagine playing ANY other game and getting your mate to shake the telly up and down. That’s what Rogue Spear is like. Actually no – imagine taking 3 ecstasy pills (not that I’d condone such activity). You know when your eyes suddenly start flickering? Rogue Spear. Avoid. 2/10

Exhibition Of Speed

Titus’s spiritual sequel to Roadsters, Exhibition Of Speed, or E.O.S as it likes to call itself, is an abysmal game. From reading these mini reviews anyone would think this was an anti-Dreamcast site, but being the impartial resource that we are, it is our prerogative to give you the truth. And here it is: E.O.S stinks. Even more that the kebab I threw up last night – and that stank to high heaven. To be fair, E.O.S has some good ideas thrown in – you can choose a driver and a car to make different combinations of handling; there are loads of customization options and loads of gameplay options…it just looks and plays like a spectrum game. The slowdown whilst playing in the 3^rd person view is horrendous – even worse than the Saturn version of Doom. It’s a real shame because E.O.S has all the ingredients of a fun, San Francisco Rush-esque racer. It’s just the graphics engine that lets it down. And the graphics engine is an essential part any game…so it’s goodnight, Vienna. 3/10

Ducati World

You guessed it. ANOTHER stinker! Ducati World. One of only 3 motorbike games on the Dreamcast, and possibly the worst. I’m actually getting a bit bored of slagging DC games off. Short and sweet: PSX quality graphics, laughable menus, hideous hideous hideous HIDEOUS. 128 bit? AAAAAAAAAARGGH. It’s shit like this that killed the DC. Lets move on quickly. 1/10

Fighting Vipers 2

Ah! This is more like it! The sequel to the Saturn’s 5^th best fighting game (after Fighter’s Megagmix, Virtua Fighter 2, Last Bronx and X Men: Children of the Atom), ighting Vipers 2 is your bog standard 3D scrap ‘em up. There are very few bells and whistles here, people. It’s nowhere near as good as Soul Calibur, but as a fighter it’s hard to fault. Gameplay is solid, visuals are crisp, options are plentiful. Downsides? The voice over that announces “Fighting Vipers…TWO” is a bit cringeworthy, and it’s a bit limited when it comes to characters…but overall a decent fighter. Can’t really think of owt more to say about it. 7/10

Cleaning Up Vomit (AM R&D #2)

Top game this. Basically, you play a mid twenties binge drinker who goes pissing it up at the weekend. Using the well implemented VM facility, you can mix large quantities of Bulmers, Magners, Carling and Blue WKD with a large donner kebab and then throw it all up at 4am. All over your bed or carpet – it’s totally up to you! The graphics are a bit blurry and the sound it a bit muffled, but the gameplay is brilliant. I played it –not for the first time – last night, and it’s still awesome. Xbox 360 update please. 9.7/10

In the next exciting episode, when I can be arsed:

Dragon Riders: Chronicles of Pern! Bust A Move 4! Iron Aces! Conflict Zone! Silent Scope! Looney Tunes Space Race! And more!!!!! Exclamation!

Bet you can’t wait.

Makeshift Philosophizing

Word, people. Christ - it's been a while eh?! And, as I've stated many a time in the anals (or is it annals?) of time, Father Krishna and The Gagaman have done a fucking amazing job of keeping the Dreamcast Junkyard the world's - nay - the Multiverse's premier source for Dreamcast related...erm...stuff. And to them, I doff my cap in a fashion not seen since, ooh, 1876. In London. With mist and shit swirling around gas powered street lamps. But ENOUGH!

In time honoured fashion I ask the question - WHY? Why do I grace these hallowed pages today? Today of all days? Well, the answer is like a fat bloke's stomach upon taking a seat after a particular strenuous trip to the fridge for more food - multi-layered. Firstly, I would like to announce that today - Thursday - is the day before Good Friday. And if you happen to be classed as Proletariat, tomorrow signals a day off work. Huzzah!

I understand there's also some religious guff that goes with Good Friday, but I'll be damned if I know what it is. Chortle. The point I'm trying to make is that with days off comes free time - and free time generally goes hand in hand with drinking more beer...and more time to play on your Dreamcast! See - I told you there was a point!

I don't know this Bob guy, but I like him already...

More importantly, yesterday saw something of a mini milestone for me - my first Dreamcast related purchase in over 6 months!!! Buying DC games used to be something of a formality for me - every time I stepped through the wierd portal on the front of the house (more commonly known as a 'front door'), I sort of knew that I'd be returning with something with a blue swirl on it. Even if I was going for a pint, I'd be on the lookout for Dreamcast shit, and those who remember the 'Dreamcast in pub toilet' episode can testify to that.

Sad? You bet you're ass.

However, In these turbulent times, such frivolity is no longer possible. And that's why yesterday's purchase of Stunt GP for the incredible price of £3.00 is so important. Have we mentioned Stunt GP before? Not sure, but basically it's Re-Volt on steroids. With Stunts. And not set in real-life locations. And without the joypad-smashingly frustrating controls.

OK, the only thing it's got in common with Re-Volt is that it's got RC cars in it:

See - they're doing stunts by driving round the curly T! Amazing!

If only all multi-storey car parks were such fun

Two wheels = more points

Whoever took these shots is shit - they're always in 6th place

Rather than have you racing through houses and super markets like in Re-Volt, Stunt GP's locales are limited to specially built tracks that look as if they're made from bits of scalextric, replete with banked corners, slaloms, tunnels and the obligatory jumps from which you gain 'air' and perform the titular stunts. All well and good. And that's not me being sarcastic either - Stunt GP is a brilliant game, with superb (albeit slightly sparse) graphics and highly manouverable vehicles. Put simply: It's a fun little game made even better by the fact that I only paid three quid for it. The only thing I thought strange though (and the same thing goes for Re-Volt), was that if these are supposed to be radio controlled cars...where are the people controlling them? Think about that one. It's a bit like that "if a tree falls and no-one hears it...does it make a noise?" thing innit. Or maybe just for me. Moving swiftly on...

I looked in my hotmail inbox this morning and saw an email from a familiar name. It was Gary from Dreamcasting. You may remember that we featured Gary's awesome collection of DC paraphernalia quite some time ago (probably about a year ago, actually), and also the fact that he's yer man if you want to play Half Life, Propellor Arena, Cadillacs and Dinosaurs (whatever that is), Flintstones etc on your Dreamcast.


Well, now he's set up an online photo album thingy where you can admire his artistic handywork when it comes to creating bespoke game boxes and manuals. And more importantly you can contact him and order the damned things. If anyone gets Cadillacs and Dinosaurs, be sure to let us know what it's all about. Cadillacs and...er...Dinosaurs, I'd imagine, but the only Cadillacs and Dinosaurs this gamer can remember is the one that was portrayed as a screenshot on the back of the Atari Jaguar console box. Very Intriguing indeed.

Email here for more information

Anyway, until December 2010 (probably), this is Tomleecee signing off.

Welcome To Warp Zone!

I appreciate that a lot of people who either follow me (@Tomleecee) or the Junkyard's main account (@SEGAJunkyard) on Twitter will have already seen this, and likewise for those of you who have done the right thing and 'liked' the DCJY on Facebook; but I thought it was only right that I dedicate a full-blown post to here to my recently customised Dreamcast. The job was done by a very talented modding outfit called Warp Zone, and their usual console of choice is the Nintendo Entertainment System:

I, however decided to try my luck and ask if they could do a custom job on a Dreamcast. I didn't want much - just a nice blue shade on a console shell and a matching pad. Nowt fancy -  I'm an advocate of the old 'less is more' mantra. They accepted my challenge and so I dismantled a rather disgusting-looking yellow Dreamcast, put it in a bin-bag full of empty gin bottles and sent it off to the dudes at Warp Zone.

Less than a week later, they sent me these images:

And some time later...this arrived (well, the shells did - I had to employ my 'engineering' skills to re-assemble the console and the joypad)...

Frankly, it looks awesome. I even took it to Revival 2014 to display (see above), and was offered hard cash for it by a member of the public. Naturally, I turned him down but I can totally see why - I can't praise the finish enough...this system looks like it was always meant to be electric blue. I've toyed with the idea of changing the orange LED for a blue one to match the paintwork, but I think the orange original actually works better due to the contrast.

If you'd like to have your Dreamcast 'seen to' in the most positive way, visit Warp Zone's website and drop them an email. Prices are very reasonable, and you won't regret giving your tired-looking console a fresh new look. You can also find them on Facebook here, and while you're there - give us a 'like' too, you barsteward!

Father K's Dreamcast Round Up!

Well, dear readers!

What a great time it is for the Dreamcast Junkyard! Our esteemed leader, Tomleecee is back and posting again. The Gagaman(n) is coming out with some amazing posts including Fideo Friday, Dreamcast DIY furniture guides, and another bout of sublime Bleem analysis. Caleb (The American Dreamcaster) has made his first stunning post regarding Scumm Emulation, so I think its about time I chipped in my 'two penneth's worth' and updated you all on what's been happening in my Dreamcast recently.




First off, Caution Seaman. If you've never experienced this title, then its high time you did... Indeed, the first time I ever posted on this hallowed blog, it was to postulate on the virtues of this particular title. However, I only got approximately half way through the 'game' before I gave up. This summer, I decided to play the game through it's conclusion. Believe me, that's quite a commitment. It means being attentive on a daily basis, being careful about your care package and the order in which you do things.




The care and attention has reeped rewards however. My Seaman is now in the final stages of its evolution and become the frogman merely hinted at on the cover of the box. Like all good naturalists, I have taken photos of these rare and sought after creatures. So enjoy! There are loads of pictures on the Internet of Seaman in his fish stage of evolution, but until I'd raised the little tyke myself, I had never seen his amphibious persona... If you don't know about this game, have a look here... and here...



OK next up, Chef's Luv Shack. This game is somehing of a 'virtual game show', with South Park's Chef as your genial host. I love South Park, but having been extremely underwhelmed by South Park Rally, I wasn't expecting much. The game pits opponents against each other in a 'first to the buzzer' quiz, with crazy categories, and general knowledge questions. In between rounds, opponents have to play simple arcade mini games against each other. This is a perfect party game, something which non-gamers can pick up and play, and a title which actually delivered far more than I had hoped for. I played it at about four in the morning with a mate, after a few ales, and I would suggest the game is best appreciated in this manner. For a better review look here...







Third is Fighting Vipers 2. Originally a Saturn game, this fighter was given a second outing on the Dreamcast. Because I'd enjoyed it so much on the Saturn, I was very keen to accquire its Dreamcast incarnation. I ordered it for (I think) £6, from the wonderful Chips. However, like Daytona USA 2001, when I eventually got it, it didn't live up to my expectations.



First of all, it felt 'light'... a strange description I know, but it's the only way I can describe it. Punches and kicks didn't seem to connect in the way that other Dreamcast fighters like Soul Calibur, Dead or Alive or even Virtua Fighter 3tb did. One of the great and innovative features of this game is it's characters. Unlike the usual stereotypical fighters we see in the affore mentioned games, Fighting Vipers has a skater, buxom rollerblader, BMX rider, guitar axe-man and so on... And they'll use those attributes on you, whilst performing show boating tricks at the same time. Its also rather nice when you smash your opponent through the 'ring' thanks to a particular lethal combo. I re-evaluated my opinion, when playing it against my games nemesis Tay. Its much more fun in 'versus mode' than playing it on your own... For a much better review, look here...

Number 4. Ikaruga. No, I've not re-mortgaged my house to buy an original copy, but I have had a CDR of the game for years, which has never been played. My recent purchase of Last Hope has turned me into a bit of a 'shmup' fan, and finally popping into my Dreamcast left me very pleasantly surprised. This game is fan-fucking-tastic! The first thing you notice is the visual gourgeousness of the 3D backgrounds.

Depsite it's retro gameplay, the visuals look very current gen. A top down shooter, (based on the switching between black and white enemies and your response to them...) Ikaruga rocks... The trick is, using the L and R trigger to switch your absorbtion potential... If your enemy is white, then you become 'white' and you can absorb the white enemies attack. Geddit? I only found this out after several plays, where I died repeatedly... Literally translated as 'speckled dove', Ikaruga was released in 2002, and was heralded as the LAST Dreamcast game, ensuring it sold out almost instantly. It eventually got a release on the Gamecube, but still remains a much sort after title for the Dreamcast. Warning!

This game is fucking ROCK hard, but worth the perseverance... For a much better review, look here...

High five? Tech Romancer... This is a 'mech' game from Capcom. If you don't know what a mech game is, its a giant robot game. Think Transformers or Ed 209... Beautiful anime graphics, Japanese dialogue with English sub-titles and lots of weapon based combat. Each character comes with its own story mode. You can also play in 'vs. mode' against a pal... I've only dipped my toe in the water of this title, but I like what I see so far... To find out more look here...

So there you have it! That's my recent Dreamcast activity in a nutshell. I've recently scored Ill Bleed, and am about to receive Zombie Revenge and Godzilla Generations (plus the Space Channel 5 soundtrack CD) , so I should have something else to talk about soon... Incidentally, my Wii really hasn't seen much action... I did think it was gonna rock my world, and so far it hasn't. The Dreamcast still holds my attention and the lion's share of my console love. However, for my musings so far on Nintendo's run away success, please check out Father Krishna's Wii-kly Sermons. If I may also shamelessly plug another couple of sites, for all Saturn related nonsense, please check out mine and Caleb's, Saturn Junkyard. For anything Master System (the Dreamcast's great grand father) related, please check out a collaboration between me and Gnome... The Master System Junkyard!

This is FK, for News At Ten, signing out! Good Night dear children, wherever you are...