Off the Cuff

Like a monstrous and garishly-lit harbinger of inevitable over-indulgence, Christmas is on the horizon. Yes, it's the time of year where we have to spend money on other people for no good reason other than that we're expected to. But what to buy? What to get for the Dreamcast lover in your life? A new game? A new pack of VMU batteries so you don't have to listen to that fucking beep every time they power up their system? A VGA cable so that they can enjoy their favourite games in hi-res on the new HDTV?

All viable suggestions. But no. What they need are these:

Dreamcast-shaped cuff-links!

And don't worry if the DC fan you're buying for is a girl (yes, they do exist...or so I'm told)...these cuff-links can (probably) be turned into trendy ear rings with only minor modification! Who'd have thunk that in 2011 we'd still be able to procure Dreamcast cuff-link and belt combos? In your FACE, Sony!

*Sigh*

Get some here.

Jenson Buffoons

How do. I've been at Silverstone this weekend watching loud cars drive about for a 'Grand Pree' or something. Wasn't overly exciting, but I didn't have to pay for the experience (hehe!) so I'm not complaining. I did, however, spend a lot of the time baulking at the price of the food on sale at the event - one fuckwit had the cheek to try and charge me £7.50 for a cheeseburger that looked like it'd just been sat on by a certain Dr Banner, post anger-inducing incident. You'll be happy to hear that no exchange of currency took place, although a swift flash of the V sign did. On the bright side though, I happened to spot a bit of (slightly) DC related guff:

That's right folks, there was an 8-player Ferrari F355 Challenge trailer round the back of the Stowe corner grandstands...and people where actually queuing up for a go! If only the blinkered cretins had the sense to spend £20 on a Dreamcast and another couple of quid on a copy of F355, rather than £30 on a ridiculous Jenson Button baseball cap (that was no doubt made in Taiwan by a 6-year-old for about 14 pence), THEY'D NEVER HAVE TO QUEUE AGAIN!

Unless, of course, they were queuing for something other than a go on an F355 arcade machine...erm...

Stop - Shower Time!

Went round to see the old dear over Easter. She hadn't bought me any Easter eggs, which I'm sure you'll agree is bloody outrageous. Anyhow, upon entering her bathroom to throw up in disgust, imagine the surprise when I saw her shower curtain:

Dreamcast swirls inhabiting my mum's bathroom. Who'd have thought it?

Ignoring claims that I should 'get out more,' I've gone and got myself on Xbox Live. It's pretty good ain't it? Except for the chavs infesting Project Gotham 3, that is. Feel free to add me to your list - Tomleecee1982.

FIN.

Pippin At(black)mark(et)

OK, so it might be slightly old news by now, but some dude has ripped the decrepit G3 processor, shite memory and 'daughter card' (or something equally alien to us normal*, PC using people) out of an old iMac - and replaced them with the innards of a 200MHz, Windows CE-powered, NAOMI-based behemoth. Kinda like sucking Barry Chuckle's guts out through his mouth and squirting Brett 'The Hitman' Hart's vital organs up his ass to fill the void. Pictures? Why, yes:

An iMac. And a Dreamcast. In same body. Just think what Brundle could've achieved if only that pesky fly hadn't got into his teleportation pod...

Pippin Atmark? Possibly - but I digress.

Speaking of bizarre shit, how would a NES look if it was dressed up like a moderately successful early nineties console and sold in flea markets in Peru?

Erm, like this:

* By 'normal,' I mean people who can't afford to buy a crate of branded lager, let alone an Apple Macbook. Fucking Ikea catalogue-reading, scatter cushion owning CUNTS. Cough.

Eat My Shorts

OK, so in the past we've featured a Dreamcast hat, a Dreamcast jacket, a Dreamcast towel and swimming shorts set...fuck, we've even spouted shit about a (pretty poor) Dreamcast-shaped tissue box holder. We now sink to new depths, however:

Dreamcast boxer shorts!

Do you love your Dreamcast so much that you want your cock and balls swinging up against a high quality embroidered image of Sega's magnum opus? You do? Then click here for more details.

Yeah, baby...erm...yeah!

Sigh. Do you look in the mirror every morning and sigh? Is your life empty, meaningless and devoid of any form of (non-Dreamcast related) fun? 

Yeah - mine too.

But wait - something has surfaced that can fill that gargantuan chasm of nothingness that dominates your existence! No, it's not the tender touch of the opposite sex (but we can all dream, right?); Rejoice, for the DREAMCAST HAT IS HERE!!!!

HALLELUJAH!!!

And it only costs $12.99 (which is about 7 quid in real money). Sigh...