Irony

Ladies and Gentlemen, when you purchase something from that eBay nonsense, you expect certain things. You expect to pay over the odds for postage just so the greedy twat selling the thing can get a bit more cash out of you. You also expect to be waiting ages for your item to arrive in the post. What you don't expect, is for your item to be covered in so many dog hairs, cat hairs and pubes that it resembles Captain Caveman. But that's what happened to me when I bought this:

Yes! It's a Dreamcast themed tissue holder!

I left the tea ring on the right to give you a sense of scale.

I managed to get most of the hairs off (after projectile vomiting several times in the process), but due to the simply stupid dimensions of the thing, and the bits of fire encouraging foam inside, you can't actually put any kind of tissue box inside it! The question remains - why does this thing even exist?- it's like the games merchandise equivalent of the wasp. More troubling is the follow-up question: WHY THE FUCK DID I PAY FOUR POUNDS FOR IT?! That's 4 cans of Carling I could have been supping right now.

Damn you, cruel fate.

Anyhow, since mankind can create such marvels as the space shuttle; perform sextuplet (sex...hehe!) heart bypasses; and build towers that reach to heaven (probably), yet do not have the capacity to invent a tissue box that fits inside the Dreamcast Tissue Box Holder(tm), I have taken it upon myself to discover what other everyday items could prove to be a worthy substitute (unlike Owen Hargreaves):

A Shoe!

A Spider Plant! (note to self: it needs watering before it dies.)

If you remove the foam and add a hand, you get a rather spiffy hand puppet! At last, a real friend!!!

A REAL DREAMCAST! Oh, the irony:

HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Anyway, I'm just nipping to the shed to shoot myself in the face with the antique Remington shotgun I got from a car boot at the weekend for 80p. Gagaman, the car boot bargain hunt has just been blown wide open... :-D

12 comments:

Pullmyfinger said...

Damn, though luck, but still kinda cool with the plant.

The Elderly said...

i like the hand puppet, good deal on the remington shotgun though.

The GagaMan(n) said...

Ooh, a Dreamcast puppet thing! I remember seeing images of these tissue boxes that had smiley faces on them. Sorta like this: ^ V ^

But...why did you pay £4 for this? I just got two games (Giga Wing and Street Fighter 3: W Impact) for a fiver ecj on therethe other day. Can't wait till they arrive! I've also been selling a spare copy of 3rd Strike on there which is currently going for £13 =D

Tomleecee said...

It was actually 2.50 but the postage put it up to 4. The hairy-housed robbing get.

gnome said...

Excellent, excellent. I want one too. And I am willing to pay 6 pounds!

The GagaMan(n) said...

Ebay is too fucking additive for it's own good. Just nabbed a US version of Samba De Amigo (I really dont want to use my ultra-rare PAL copy if I can help it) for £6, which is nice. A cheap copy of Ver.2000 and a 2nd pair of maracas would be nice now.

Anonymous said...

? So what? These awful gadgets fill the pages of lik-sang. And yes, basically all these thingies are terrible chinese gadgets.

gnome said...

Lik-sang doesn't have the maracas anymore...

Tomleecee said...

I've never seen such a pointless and contradictory comment. Thanks 'anonymous'! You've certainly brightened up my day.

gnome said...

And contributed to our overall cultural evolution too.

gnome said...

Oh, and have any of you seen this:






uk.dreamcast.ign.com/articles/713/713861p1.html

Tomleecee said...

Anyone who wears a leather jacket in 2006 deserves to die. Unless his surname is Fonzarelli, you understand..