Death Crimson OX Review

Well they say in this life you get what you wish for... And I wished for Death Crimson OX and I got it...

Universally panned in every review I've ever read, I felt undeterred and searched eBay for this coveted treasure.

In Samuel Beckett's frankly fucking depressing masterpiece "Waiting For Godot", the hopeless central charatcers, Estragon and Pozzo, trapped in a hostile limbo-like wasteland, resort to insulting each other... After exchanging swearwords, profanities and a variety of scathing comments about each other, the ultimate insult to be levelled is "CRITIC!"



"Yer fecking big CRITIC!!"

This was Beckett's way of replying to those who had poured scorn over his writing, because they had not 'got it', and often were so puffed up with their own smug sense of self worth, that they had missed the point of the work they were reviewing.



"Father Krishna!" I hear you cry "What the fuck is this? Some poncey, Open University, literary analysis, or a shitting games review for fucks sake?" (Ahem!) and to you I say, "Calm down oh reader...I'm getting to the point..."

It's the same with games reviewers.

Frankly I think a lot of games reviewers and 'experts' are:

a.) Up their own arse
b.) Overly critical of the genre
c.) Trying to score points with their smug sense of self satisfaction
d.) Very much in need of a good shag/An excursion away from their consoles and into the real fucking world....


















The game is a Light Gun game for fucks sake! A port of an arcade blaster! A mindless 'shoot'em up'! A lovely psychedelic slaughterfest, with a thinly veiled plot... there's no need to 'wax lyrical' about the finer points of frame rates, the subtelties of pixellation, the nuances of character or the profundities of the moral lessons learned throughout it's sub-plot...

Before I get any further on with my my soap box rant let's look at the (admittedly) poo storyline...
(This is the blurb off the back of the box...)

'July 29, 2010. The beautiful city of Saronica is destroyed by the mysterious SMO. Agents, known as Subliminers, are placed throughout the city to opress the populace. Survivors form the Resistance and fiercely engage SMO forces in battle. The Resistance is led by the elusive Lily, who also makes a mean dish of macaroni and cheese. (I kid you fucking not... FK)
Segue to Agent Kou Yanami, tortured with doubt over his employer's policies. he seizes two pistols from SMO's arsenal and joins the Resistance forces.His pistols are the Crimson, ancient super weapons,. lily attempts to shelter Kou, from his dogged pursuers but in turn falls prey to SMO. Now, Kou Yanami and Lily's daughter, Yuri, set out to free her... and blow away any SMO Subliminers who get in their way...'

So there you have it! Not fucking revolutionary, but not that much inferior to the plot line of HOTD 2 for example... Let's not forget, the game is about blowing away monsters, skeletons, zombies, robots and hulkng behemoths wielding swords... How much plot do you need? Did Asteroids need a plot ? (A lone ship in a barren Universe... Astronauts Chad Thwackerman and his latent homosexual lieutenant , Charles Blanchefort suddenly discover they are facing a hail of meteoric appocalypse... ) PUR-LEASE!




Similarly, the use of text representation of character's speech, rather than spoken word? Is that a massive problem?

Did HOTD2 scour the acting world for the cream of vocal excellence...HELL NO! Did bad voice acting affect the game? NO!

The graphics, whilst not the best, are vividly colourful and imaginative. The game has a good variety of villains to plug away at. Like HOTD2 and Virtua Cop, there are innocent civillians to avoid, weapon upgrades and 'life-ups' to discover. At the end of the level there are Bosses to defeat (one with a blob of shite on the end of his sabre - known as (LOL) "The Sword Of Stink"!

The one problem I have with the game is a minor one and I'm coming to terms with it quickly.
The shooting method is totally different to Virtua Cop, HOTD2 or Confidential Mission.
On my screen (though not on the video on the IGN link below) there is a moveable target. You use the D pad on the gun to aim it at your adverasies. Reloading is acheived with the a press of the B button, which means having to use both hands whilst firing... ho hum!





There are a number of modes in which to play the game, Mission Mode, Story Mode and Bullet Mode, the latter involving slaying your many faceted foes, with the minimum amount of ammo...
I managed in two attempts on 'easy' option on Story Mode to clear two stages, earning me a place on the leader board, and got to input my initials. Go me! Longevity of gameplay is not an issue for me, I like the odd game that I can just pick up and play, revisit when I want to and leave if I want... This little baby fits the bill. I won't play it to death, won't obsess about completion, or feel that I've been undersold as a result. The only two Dreamcast games which have had me hooked in that respect are Shenmue 1 & 2 and Soul Calibur (Mission Mode). As a devoted family man (!) I simply haven't the time to devote lots of hours to gameplay, so a half hour of blasting away at monsters, or a quick spin in a Crazy Taxi, are the sought of things that can provide a short burst of escapism. Plus I have too many games which I've bought and never played meaning I can discover a 'new' hidden gem at any time!

So, all in all Death Crimson OX is a winner for me.... 'it does what it says on the tin' ...it delivers the goods... And I'll award it a generous 7.5/10 for overall gameplay!

However if you want to read harsher reviews (and also look at some great CD-OX video) you can do so here, here and here. For all the boring specs and details you can look here...

And remember people the best review a game can get is the one you give it... If you are unsure of a current game rent it... A duff retro purchase can always be traded at your local Gamestation for something you like better.

Oh and BTW I've just found out that Death Crimson OX is the favourite game of alcoholic flange flasher Lindsay Lohan! Who'd a thunk it!?




Good night dear children wherever you are...

Dreamcast Half-Life

The Internet...Bloody Marvellous! It allowed me to procure a lovely Treamcast. It allowed me to discover this wonderful 'Yard. It has lead me to discover more about gaming in less than twelve months, than I had known in the preceeding thirty years... and it allowed Tomleecee to procure 'Vapourware', cancelled Dreamcast games that were never released, including Half Life for the DC.(See October's Archive posts.)

Whilst posting a sterling review of this game with screenshots, I thought regular readers might enjoy the somewhat late addition of this little video clip discovered by Deitrix... which has got my Dreamcast juices flowing.

As Tom pointed out recently, it's getting increasingly difficult to find stuff to post about a console that has been 'resting' for 6 years... But we'll keep on trying...

Oh and I will endeavour to play Death Crimson OX enough to write a full review sometime soon.

Peace out! Happy New Year!

Beta Powered!

WA-HEY! It's 200,000,000,007! Have a look out of the window. Look at all the flying cars, houses on sticks (left) and Michael J. Fox on a skateboard with no wheels being chased by Biff Tannen and his mates. Oh, and the Junkyard has finally made the Quantum Leap to Beta. Cool eh? EH?!

Actually, it looks the same as 2006 to me - SHITE. Outside, that is - still cold, still grey and still populated by CRETINS. And on top of that, it looks like blasting around in a plutonium and/or garbage powered DeLorean has had some adverse effects of Mr J. Fox's nervous system. Ho hum.

Anyway, I'm temporarily back from my quite hideous trip into the realm of the World Police, and thought I'd swing by the 'Yard to see how FatherKrishna and The Gagaman(n) were keeping the side up in my abscence. Verdict: I can see that they've done a quite stirling job - HUZZAH. Cough.

Much like a post of old, this diatribe isn't really going anywhere Dreamcast related simply because I haven't been able to get my gnarled and almost root-like hands on any DC paraphernalia for almost two months. I did see a copy of Evil Dead: Hail to the King t'other day, but I didn't think it warranted putting my hand into the pile of dog shite it was encapsulated by. Oh, and that Dreamcast towel I was harping on about a few months back is actually more like a flannel than the beach towel it was advertsied as. Negative eBay feedback, how I love thee.

I did, however, swallow my big, blue, SEGA-sponsored pride and buy a PSP a few weeks ago, and I have to say that I'm thoroughly impressed with the quality of the thing, if not overly impressed with the selection of games on offer. But why wax on (or off) about the PSP on a Dreamcast blog? Well, I also happened to pick up a copy of Virtua Tennis World Tour, which is basically Virtua Tennis 2 with an updated roster of tennis stars and a few new mini games...and that's it! Even the 'career' aspect is i-fucking-dentical to the DC version's - yep, even the pointless and infuriating way you have to create both a male and female character to train. Sheesh. Not that I'm complaining about the similarities - indeed, Virtua Tennis 2 is still the best Tennis game availible on any system. I just thought that, you know, Sega would be good enough to make Virtua Tennis World Tour more of an update than a blatant port. Humph.

Quite why Tim Henman is still required isn't entirely clear...

I suppose though, that what I'm getting at is that the memory of the Dreamcast is still surviving in the technology of today! That residue of the Dreamcast is still...still...CONTEMPORARY, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

Furthermore, a popular clothing store by the name of Republic is flogging a range of 'fashionable' bits of cloth under the brand 'Soul Cal.' Ring any bells? I'm penning a letter to Namco as I write this. I knew that third arm implant would one day come in handy (cue canned laughter).


In other Sony related news, I had a blast on a "PlayStation 3" (or something) earlier this week. What happened to the cool looking 'boomerang' style joypad?

"Cool!" I thought when I first saw it, "A pad that comes back and hits you in the face when you throw it at the telly because you've been killed for the tenth time IN THE SAME SPOT..." Ahem.

No - they've reverted back to the boring old Dual Shock!! WHY?! Anyway, I had a go on Ridge Racer. Nowt special I'm happy to report...and the console is fucking HUR-UGE! It makes the 360 look like a matchbox. If the current tred continues, consoles in the real future (as opposed to boring old 2007) will come with their own nuclear powerstations. Or in the Xbox 1080's case, sold seperatley. For the price of £YourSoul.99

Oh, and I completed Blue Shift on the Dreamcast. Go me!

Happy Birthday Dreamcast Junkyard...

Well I was kind of waiting for the great Tomleecee to make his triumphant return with this post, as the 'Yard is his creation. However we are now two thirds of the way through this most festive of months, and so far no word... So I feel it is my bound duty, to mark this occasion in his absence, and raise a celebratory glass to my favourite website of all time, about the best console ever made!














Just looking back at the December 2005 archives, it is amazing to see how this place has grown, from it's humble beginnings to it's current Heavyweight Champion status. A small collection, including a console, two controllers, a couple of light guns and VMUs, and a handful of games, were the initial stash that inspired the site, historically and pictorially documented on Tom's technically challenged digital camera.




Since then through the magic of bloggery, we've been shown a stunning array of Dreamcast images, had an informative tutorial on the console's history, been linked to a host of fantastic sites and blogs, been shown a cinematic Dreamcast journey, courtesy of Google and Youtube and seen a plethora of games reviewed, dissected and compared. Added to that it's all been posted with a brilliant sense of humour, some eloquent prose, and some hilarious asides.



All of the Dreamcast peripherals have been considered and assessed. Unfinished Dreamcast developments of both hardware and software have been uncovered. Mods, emulation and homebrew have been flagged up, and highlighted. Dreamcast related humour, art, photos and film have all been promoted. What a blast!




If you're a regular visitor to the site, spend a few minutes trawling the archives for hidden gems you may have missed, or key in a few words of interest into the sites search facility. So many topics have been considered and presented, that it is becoming increasingly challenging to add new stuff!




The addition of the Gagaman(n) to the site's team, opened up an encyclopaedic world of knowledge about the console's hardware and software to the 'Yard. At once Tomleecee had a partner who was able to double the quantity of posts, providing excellent and insightful articles, but with a very different style of writing. Thus the range of documentation of this great console was increased.
His much coveted Dreamcast collection, also boosted the collective amount of Dreamcast exhibition items on display in our Virtual Museum.



I was lucky enough to become the third member of the team, at the end of August. Having discovered the 'Yard by simply typing 'Dreamcast' as a search word into Google, I was immediately hooked, on it's down to earth, Mancunian humour, occasional cynicism, but overall burning love for Sega's finest.

I became a regular commentor (more about this later), checking regularly and hungrily for each new post. Reviews helped me to make some informed choices as to which games I should buy.
Discoveries such as Bleem, the VMU tool (and indeed the fact that games could be played on the VMU), the hidden uses of the fishing rod peripheral, etc. were revolutionary for me in my awareness of the console's potential.



The comments of the site's readers and contributors have been an integral part of the DCJY's growth. Heroic names such as... son_et-lumiere, Pierre La Stank, Caleb, Deitrix, J, Gamer C, Ross and of course DCJY stalwarts Gnome and The Elderly Gamer (amongst others -BTW if you feel you deserve a mention, post a comment and I'll amend this epistle...) have fleshed out the bones of the articles posted on the site.




Highlights for me have been the afforementioned VMU tool post, the fact that a fishing rod peripheral can produce 'Wii' style gameplay on Soul Calibur, my first mention on a 'Yard post, (and indeed my first post on the 'Yard), finding links to the Elderly Gamer and The Gnome's Lair, watching all the good stuff posted on video links, Gagaman(n)'s post about oft repeated theme's in DC games, and above all the silliness factor... like Tom finding DC 'swirls' everywhere. Oh! and some of the frankly horrendous merchandising that accompanied this most wonderful of Sega produce.



And if none of the above makes sense to you, I urge you, nay command you, to check out a whole year's worth of blogging in the archives.

So at the end of this historic year, thanks to the DCJY's insight, I am able to come up with my top twenty Dreamcast games of all time... Apart from the top 3, they're in no particular order...
I hope that anyone reading this post will take the time to flag up theirs... They are as follows:




1.) Shenmue 1 & 2
2.) Soul Calibur
3.) Caution Seaman
4.) House Of The Dead 2/Typing Of The Dead
5.) Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2
6.) Blue Stinger
7.) Super Runabout
8.) Sega Worldwide Soccer
9.) Crazy Taxi
10.) Virtua Tennis 1 & 2
11.) Sega Rally
12.) Jet Set Radio
13.) Dead Or Alive 2
14.) Confidential Mission
15.) Rez
16.) Vitrua Fighter 3tb
17.) Sega Marine Fishing
18.) Marvel vs. Capcom
19.) Outtrigger
20.) V Rally

But that's only the story so far... Hopefully, posting on the 'Yard will continue to shape and change that particular perspective.



Tomleecee took a chance making me a team member. Hopefully the gamble paid off. Being able to post has opened up a whole new world for me.
Fellow Bloggers have become comrades and colleagues, a few even friends. From being a team member on the 'Yard, I have also become a co-contributor to Gnome's Gaming On the Go, and finally spread my wings to produce the DCJY's little brother...the unimaginatively conceived Saturn Junkyard.

However, my favourite website of all time will remain this hallowed 'Yard.



And so , without further ado, raise your glasses and receive a toast for Tomleecee and his most esteemed of creations... "The Dreamcast Junkyard"....

Happy Birthday!

The Saturn Junkyard

It must be the lamest idea for a new blog, but I felt that the 'Yard might need a little brother for it's most esteemed of website topics. Plus, I've been posting all sorts of nonsense about other systems on this Dreamcast specific site.

So in order to invent an outlet for my more Saturn related leanings, I've come up with the Saturn Junkyard, basically a complete rip-off of Teeleecee's original idea, but about the Saturn. For fuck's sake....

Now this post is not just a plug for my new 'innovative' site, fuck no! 'Cos quite frankly, at the moment, in it's infancy, it's shite... But I just thought it might enable me to access it (and post) on Mozilla Firefox if I put a link on it! I can't upload images on AOL or IE, so right now it remains a piss poor foetus of a site.


I might also post a link to my blogger dashboard in the vague hope that it might facilitate the same thing.

For all of you regular readers please excuse this self indulgent piece of shite...



In order to qualify this frankly very self indulgent post, I thought I might show you a picture of my Dreamcast 'looky likey'.

Why it's Don Niu from Shenmue 2!

Fat, bald and not that good at posting... we're one of a kind!

Thanks for your patience dear readers, let me know what you think of the concept... Is it a worthwhile venture...????

By the way... I've just found out that the Sega Saturn is the favourite console of Lara Croft actress and serial ethnic baby adopter Angelina Jolie... who'd a thunk it??


Good night patient children wherever you are...

P.S. I need a new site 'cos you can almost count down the days till I'm kicked off this one....

A Christmas Wish....

Well, my house is now looking like Santa's grotto, festooned up to the rafters with tinsel and other shiny stuff.
Hackneyed old decorations have been dragged out of the loft, and I've resorted to crying like a baby at nostalgic old favourites such as "It's A Wonderful Life" and "Scrooge".

Whilst I tried to pretended in my last post that I hated Christmas, it was just a thinly veiled tissue of lies.

In fact, like the executives and software developers at Sega, I love this time of year! Now before you throw rocks at your monitor and beseige me with hate mail, let me qualify this frankly 'puffy' post.I've decided to write a Christmas list. In the hopes that the old fat fucker in the ill fitting red suit, might somehow magically pick up on it, and drop the whole shitload down the chimney. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it...
'
So sit back, as I regail you with those things that would truly make my baggy, bloodshot eyes light up on Christmas morning, if my festive wishes came true...

No.1 on my wish list... Death Crimson OX. This light gun game was a U.S. only release, and the only game utilising my favourite peripheral, that I do not own. (As previously mentioned on this esteemed site the others are HOTD2, Confidential Mission and Virtua Cop 1&2 on the Sega Smash Pack...)A late entry to the Dreamcast's software range, D.C.OX was released in 2001, pretty much towards the end of the Dreamcast's life. It was also universally panned as being a load of shite. I've not read one good review of this game since I first heard about it. IGN gave it 4.3 as a score...four point fucking three!!
The screenshots and video I've seen look pretty good, however... and the way I figure it, it's a lightgun game... where you shoot swordsmen, monsters and living skeletons... WHATS NOT TO LIKE?At the end of the day you shoot things , on your telly, with a gun. You're going to have a laugh, however crap the game is... Or at least I will! Guns! Shooting! Monsters! Fun???? No shit, Sherlock!No.2 on the list is Daytona USA 2001. I love driving games. My all time favourite is SegaRally- the original Saturn version, although I also love it's successor SR2 on the Dreamcast.
Having played the original Daytona USA in a museum-like arcade over the summer, (you can't beat sitting in a static car seat, pushing fake acceleraotrs and trying to wrestle a heavily weighted steering wheel whilst staring at a video monitor...) I then purchased the 'home play' version for my Saturn. That too was an excellent experience, thundering round each track, knocking other cars out of the way, and staring at Mount Rushmore-like visions of Sonic carved into the rock face.
And according to my esteemed colleague Teeleecee, the Dreamcast version is even better!


Better graphics, better gameplay, beter features... It's his favourite game, and thats a good enough recommendation for me... Onto the next...


No.3 Fighting Vipers 2! Again another title I've secured for the Saturn, is the pre-cursor to it's Dreamcast progeny. The original Fighting Vipers had very innovative gameplay for a fighting game. It's characters hit each other with items such as a guitar or BMX. Buxom lady fighters rollerbladed about before opening a can of 'whup ass' and beating the shit out of you.


The best feature however, was that if you knocked your opponent out of the ring, they would land on the floor only to be blown up! Although this does not result in lots of blood and guts, you do get the double satisfaction of delivering the killer blow, then seeing your opponent launched into the air with a bang!

I'm waiting for the Gagaman(n) to write a full review of this title, 'cos he was lucky enough to have procured it recently... (Come on Gagaman(n) put me out of my misery!!)
I can only imagine that the Dreamcast FV2 offers more great gameplay with distinctly better graphics. Plus I like owning both Saturn and Dreamcast versions of great titles...



No. 4 Recently discovered is this beautiful leopard skin edition DC controller. Can't tell you much about this, but I've always had a thing for leopard skin. In fact, I'm currently posting this article, wearing only a very tight leopard skin thong.

Hey! Now that mental image is a Christmas treat for all you readers! Don't say I never give you anything...

No.5 'The Divers 2000' Dreamcast edition. This little beauty was discovered by Teeleecee a few posts back... I've never seen anything like it... A complete unit with T.V., DC, Keyboard, mouse and DC camera for internet video conferencing.

They're as rare as rocking horse shit and cost a fortune... So it's unlikely that I'll ever own one... But this is a wish list after all!

No.6 Huge chested, compulsive lying, Big Brother contestant and sad celebrity wannabe, mad African ex-nurse, Makosi.

Festively attired, with a stack of Strongbow Super and a big vegetarian fried breakfast. Well a man can dream can't he???Before I go, can I also mention the new collaborative blog produced by Gnome and featuring the odd rambling post by me... The most excellent 'Gnome's Gaming On The Go.' You can find it at http://pocketgaming.blogspot.com/

Well I'm off now dear reader, worrying about how I've turned Tom's baby into a sad version of 'Loaded'- featuring the Dreamcast.
He'll be back soon to see how he trusted me to look after the 'Yard and I've turned it into a wankfest for lovers of large chests. Oh well, I'll probably be drummed off the team soon...

But until then, Goodnight dear children, wherever you are...