A Christmas Wish....

Well, my house is now looking like Santa's grotto, festooned up to the rafters with tinsel and other shiny stuff.
Hackneyed old decorations have been dragged out of the loft, and I've resorted to crying like a baby at nostalgic old favourites such as "It's A Wonderful Life" and "Scrooge".

Whilst I tried to pretended in my last post that I hated Christmas, it was just a thinly veiled tissue of lies.

In fact, like the executives and software developers at Sega, I love this time of year! Now before you throw rocks at your monitor and beseige me with hate mail, let me qualify this frankly 'puffy' post.I've decided to write a Christmas list. In the hopes that the old fat fucker in the ill fitting red suit, might somehow magically pick up on it, and drop the whole shitload down the chimney. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it...
'
So sit back, as I regail you with those things that would truly make my baggy, bloodshot eyes light up on Christmas morning, if my festive wishes came true...

No.1 on my wish list... Death Crimson OX. This light gun game was a U.S. only release, and the only game utilising my favourite peripheral, that I do not own. (As previously mentioned on this esteemed site the others are HOTD2, Confidential Mission and Virtua Cop 1&2 on the Sega Smash Pack...)A late entry to the Dreamcast's software range, D.C.OX was released in 2001, pretty much towards the end of the Dreamcast's life. It was also universally panned as being a load of shite. I've not read one good review of this game since I first heard about it. IGN gave it 4.3 as a score...four point fucking three!!
The screenshots and video I've seen look pretty good, however... and the way I figure it, it's a lightgun game... where you shoot swordsmen, monsters and living skeletons... WHATS NOT TO LIKE?At the end of the day you shoot things , on your telly, with a gun. You're going to have a laugh, however crap the game is... Or at least I will! Guns! Shooting! Monsters! Fun???? No shit, Sherlock!No.2 on the list is Daytona USA 2001. I love driving games. My all time favourite is SegaRally- the original Saturn version, although I also love it's successor SR2 on the Dreamcast.
Having played the original Daytona USA in a museum-like arcade over the summer, (you can't beat sitting in a static car seat, pushing fake acceleraotrs and trying to wrestle a heavily weighted steering wheel whilst staring at a video monitor...) I then purchased the 'home play' version for my Saturn. That too was an excellent experience, thundering round each track, knocking other cars out of the way, and staring at Mount Rushmore-like visions of Sonic carved into the rock face.
And according to my esteemed colleague Teeleecee, the Dreamcast version is even better!


Better graphics, better gameplay, beter features... It's his favourite game, and thats a good enough recommendation for me... Onto the next...


No.3 Fighting Vipers 2! Again another title I've secured for the Saturn, is the pre-cursor to it's Dreamcast progeny. The original Fighting Vipers had very innovative gameplay for a fighting game. It's characters hit each other with items such as a guitar or BMX. Buxom lady fighters rollerbladed about before opening a can of 'whup ass' and beating the shit out of you.


The best feature however, was that if you knocked your opponent out of the ring, they would land on the floor only to be blown up! Although this does not result in lots of blood and guts, you do get the double satisfaction of delivering the killer blow, then seeing your opponent launched into the air with a bang!

I'm waiting for the Gagaman(n) to write a full review of this title, 'cos he was lucky enough to have procured it recently... (Come on Gagaman(n) put me out of my misery!!)
I can only imagine that the Dreamcast FV2 offers more great gameplay with distinctly better graphics. Plus I like owning both Saturn and Dreamcast versions of great titles...



No. 4 Recently discovered is this beautiful leopard skin edition DC controller. Can't tell you much about this, but I've always had a thing for leopard skin. In fact, I'm currently posting this article, wearing only a very tight leopard skin thong.

Hey! Now that mental image is a Christmas treat for all you readers! Don't say I never give you anything...

No.5 'The Divers 2000' Dreamcast edition. This little beauty was discovered by Teeleecee a few posts back... I've never seen anything like it... A complete unit with T.V., DC, Keyboard, mouse and DC camera for internet video conferencing.

They're as rare as rocking horse shit and cost a fortune... So it's unlikely that I'll ever own one... But this is a wish list after all!

No.6 Huge chested, compulsive lying, Big Brother contestant and sad celebrity wannabe, mad African ex-nurse, Makosi.

Festively attired, with a stack of Strongbow Super and a big vegetarian fried breakfast. Well a man can dream can't he???Before I go, can I also mention the new collaborative blog produced by Gnome and featuring the odd rambling post by me... The most excellent 'Gnome's Gaming On The Go.' You can find it at http://pocketgaming.blogspot.com/

Well I'm off now dear reader, worrying about how I've turned Tom's baby into a sad version of 'Loaded'- featuring the Dreamcast.
He'll be back soon to see how he trusted me to look after the 'Yard and I've turned it into a wankfest for lovers of large chests. Oh well, I'll probably be drummed off the team soon...

But until then, Goodnight dear children, wherever you are...

I'm Dreamcast Of A White Christmas...

Well it's that time of year again...

A time for trudging through rain soaked, piss stained, agraphobia inducing streets, full of angry shoppers.

A time for hearing the same old tired, shmaltzy tunes, cranked out on a loop, in every venue you have the misfortune to go.


A time for avoiding annoying relatives, and maxing out your over strained credit card on uneccessary presents, so that you can line the pockets of multi-national chain, stores offering poor quality goods. (PS3 anyone? Oh no I forgot... you can't get one yet can you?)

A time for stuffing yourself full of so much sugary, fat laden gack and booze, that a bout of projectile vomitting and soiling yourself, inevitably ensues. (Well it does for me anyway.)




For the good folks at Sega however, it's a time to rejoice. Apparently they love it. As long as they've been producing consoles, they've been producing seasonal games and themed packages for their lovely machines.
Indeed, since the clever inclusion of an internal clock and calendar into the lovely Saturn and Dreamcast respectively, games which transform into Christmassy themed packages when this special time of year rolls around...



Let's have a look at some shall we? Back in Megadrive/Genesis days there was the cutesy 'Daze Before Christmas'. A 2D platformer where you had to help a beseiged Santa make it through a variety of hazards to deliver presents on Christmas day...



The Saturn gave us one of the best games of all time with the Sonic Team opus Christmas Nights. This was a seasonal spin on the excellent Nights Into Dreams, a psychedelic, spaced out vision of a game, where heroes Elliot and Claris had to battle nightmarish creatures to defend the land of Dreamtopia.
Dreamcast owners eagerly anticipated Nights 2 for the best console ever, but it never appeared. Bah! Humbug!
But what of the Dreamcast? Every December the 25th unsuspecting gamers would see a magical change occur on certain games. They would literally all of a sudden, be adorned in bunting, tinsel, Christmas trees and seasonal costumes. I've endevered to get you screenshots for each of these games, but unfortunately I've only managed to get you some... Damn you Google Image... Damn you TO HELL!
"Where the fuck am I?"

Shenmue... Perhaps my favourite title ever, a sprawling epic RPG, drawing heavily on the passage of time as our young hero Ryo Hazuki walks, talks, fights and works his way throughout the days in a quest of honour to avenge his Father's death at the hands of the murderous Lan Di. Oh and feeds kittens...Shops... And ignores the advances of saucy looking, buxom, oriental beauties...
As Ryo enters the streets of Dobuita on Christmas day, who should he see but...
FATHER CHRISTMAS!! Whoop-de-fuckin'-do! Meddle with your Dreamcast's time/date system and you can see for yourself... 'Cos try as I might I just can't pluck an image off the net for you. Sorry.

Ready 2 Rumble Boxing on that most wonderful of days, threw up a festive treat for it's players.
This excellent cartoony arcade favourite suddenly saw Christmas trees spring up at the ringside... Ready 2 Rumble 2 took it a step further by providing seasonal outfits and a large snowman to fight. And as throughout the rest of the year, Michael Jackson could always turn up to 'give the kids one'. A present that is.... Honestly! See my frankly piss poor illustration of this phemomena, hijacked on my camera phone, from the wonderful Games TM magazine article on this very subject...



Survival horror RPG, Blue Stinger will also hold a special place in my heart. It was one of the first DC games I ever got really stuck into. I never completed it of course, I rarely do.
Hero Elliot got to battle a plethora of mutant man beasts in a super market complex verily bedecked in festive trimmings and featuring large billboards with Kris Kringle and other seasonal images. And he battled these multi-limbed nightmares to a soundscape of jingley Christmas music. Beautiful really... (Sniff!)



The wonderful Caution Seaman took the anniversary of the birth of Our Lord to another level.
Not only was there a Christmas edition of this most wonderful of games, but there was a beautiful see through red edition of the Dreamcast itself released. Take a look at these beautiful images... and by the way, if you ever see one of these babies available on eBay, snap it up. There were only 850 of these lovelies ever made...



Free stickers and gift tags came with the game to help you wrap your presents....

On Sonic Adventure 1 & 2, a quick visit to the Dream Arena on the Internet could allow you to dress up Sonic and his immediate environment. Our favourite Hedgehog and Sega mascot loves Christmas as much as the Japanese people that spawned him, despite him being erm.. a Hedgehog, and Japan being a nation of Shintoists. Go figure...













Now, you know I've taken to cheaply including images of my favourite eye candy in recent posts, and who am I to break this tradition?
However, this time it's one of the Dreamcast's own lovely ladies and a personal favourite of mine. Ulala! In a festive outfit! Crikey!



("No, Ivy off Soul Calibur, I haven't forgotten you, you're always number one imaginary lust object in my heart, even if it's wrong to fancy videogame characters...Nurse! Medication! It's happening again...")

By the way, I just found out that Christmas is the favourite time of year of devout Jehova's Witness, nipple flasher and person who featured Dreamcast clips in her video, Janet Jackson!!
Who'd a thunk it???


Good Night children and a Merry Christmas to you all, wherever you are...

Skate Or Die!

Having been blown away by the latest post from the Gagaman(n) about NEW Dreamcast seasonal stocking fillers, it is with a degree of shame that I revert to reporting on old stuff that's been around for ages. And yet some old chestnuts are worth checking out... and one such title is the amazing 'Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2.'

(That's the real Tony, quuite a nice chap and family type really...)

Now this title has a particular resonance for me... For whilst I may now look like Fred Elliot... (from Northern English 'Kitchen Sink' Drama themed soap "Coronation Street" ... that's for our American cousins...)'



I was once a long haired thin framed skate fiend.


Sure I could never 'pop an ollie' or 'grind a rail' but I could skate with reasonable ability. My early skateboards looked a bit like this...

In fact, and this is no lie, my first skateboard was literally a coffin shaped plank of wood, with two rollerskates nailed to it. Now I know that that sounds to you young types, much like one of those 'old folks tales' of how 'We had it hard back in my day... You young'uns don't know your born...' etc. It is in fact TRUE!

Anyway I skated from the age of 10 to 21. In fact the only thing that stopped me was the fact that:
a.) I had become a father... and therfore presumed I needed to 'grow up a bit..'
PLUS
b.) A long haired hippy skateboarder, skating through my council estate in Levenshulme, Manchester, would have been a target for ridicule, stone throwing and window smashing from sinister local skinheads, white trash youths wearing hoodies, ill-fitting baseball caps and Nike Shocks... depressing really...


So instead, I discovered the sofa, video games and beer (HURRAH!) and they've been my friends ever since.
Now video games are great! Anyone reading this post will know this. One of the reasons for this phenomena, is that if the game is sufficiently good, you will be absorbed into it.
It will take you away from the drudgery of your normal existence, and you will 'become one' with the game you are playing. Especially if you are on drugs...
(Which I was for a significant period of my gaming history!)
Yes games allow you to kick ass like Bruce Lee, when you couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag, Drive like Colin McCrae when you haven't passed your test...

OR score goals like Steven Gerrard even when you were the last person to be picked for your playground team, during the dinnertime football match as a kid. ( Yes that's football, not soccer CALEB, FOOTBALL!)



So for me, (having given you a glimpse of my personal history) , to be able to project myself into the world of Tony Hawk and become a fucking shit hot skateboarder, is going to be a winner every time!!!

Now let's actually consider the game shall we? O.K.


Instant pick up and play potential... the mastery of the controls is simple. Getting it right in the flow of a skate sesion is not quite as simple, however. The game rewards you with points and money for good combos and a smooth two minutes of skatey showing off.


A 'power meter' at the top of the screen allows you to know how successful your intended skate trickery will be...
Hang on the lip of a half pipe in a 'gymnast plant' (you'll get used to the lingo) for too long will amass points, but do it for too long, and you'll crunch to the ground with a sickening thud.
Plus there's blood , lots of blood when you 'crash and burn' , but don't worry... your chosen skater will simply pick himself up, dust himself off, get on his 'board' and get on with the job...


THPS2 allows you to unlock new parks and levels. The initial level , " The Hangar" is a dream Skate Park...
It allows the novice skater to look good and score big points. The subsequent levels, (The School Yard and so on) are increasingly difficult to skate.
Level Three (Marseilles) is a skate competition, and a good leveller for knowing how crap you really are!
You skate against the AI attempting to win points, medals and dollars. You usually come last... and have to try again.

No problem. The game is so addictive, you'll want to play again and again.
I can't really tell you how many levels and skateparks there are, 'cos I haven't got that far...
But what I can tell you, is there's a lot to unlock, if you play long enough.
On each level there are secret sections with hidden goals. Each of these in turn will unlock points and cash, and this will help you progress to the next level.
Earned cash will enable you to buy 'stats' and 'tricks' which will enable yo to get further in the game.
There's a lot of 'customisation' within the game. You can choose from a variety of pro-skaters (Tony Hawk, Steve Caballero, Chad Muska or Kareem Cambell etc.) -Yes I've never heard of them either...
Customise their outfits, mess about with their skating 'stats', buy them new boards and even present them with a skatepark built to your own whims/specifications.


I've never seen this in a "Top Dreamcast Games Of All Time..." list, and that may well be because it was a multi-format game and not unique to the Dreamcast.
For me this is actually a bonus, 'cos I'm currently playing the DC version at home and playing the GBA version on my DS on the move. But the compatability is very good and something I've never experienced before. Bonus!!
To finish this rambling post, dear reader there's two surprising thing's I've found out whilst writing this epistle...

1.) The strange proliferation of Sega Swirl's , first identified by TeeLeeCee is still happening... Check this out! It just appeared on a sandwich I made for my Mrs!



2.) And also..THPS 2 is the favourite game of Hollywood beauty and Sin City star Rosario Dawson... who'd a thunk it?????


Good night children, wherever you are...