Children of the Evolution

The Dreamcast Junkyard has gone from strength to strength over the recent months. From the very first post where I intended it to just be a basic cataloging of my fledgling collection of Dreamcast stuff, to the recent adding of irreverent opinion and political satire. Well, the slagging off of Tom Cruise and the branding of John Prescott as a bulldog chewing a wasp. But now, the 'Yard (as it is affectionatly known these days) has entered a new era. A brave new frontier, if you will. But thankfully, a frontier in which William Shatner in a leotard are outlawed by punishment of death.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to announce the appointment of two team members to the 'administration' of the 'Yard. They are regular readers who have walked the many treacherous paths of Dreamcast ownership for many a moon. Yes dear reader, let me introduce:

The GagaMan
Top rate animator, author of Sega Freaks and general Sega knowledge bin, The Gagaman also has the largest depository of Sega paraphenalia I have ever clapped eyes on. Here's hoping for some inspired posts from The 'Man.

Pierre LaStank
Hailing from the good ol' US of A, I would like to introduce the Dreamcast Junkyard's opinion generator from NTSC-land. As a truly international service (hey, the 'Yard has readers in India and Japan y'know!), it makes sense to branch out and get views from (CLICHE ALERT) 'across the pond.' Rest assured that pic will change ASAP!!

As ever, I will continue to wax lyrical about life, the 'Cast and bollocks in general, but please join me in welcoming our new 'posters.'
Now, excuse me while I retire to my new oak walled, Lowry lined office - I have several 21 year old naked blonde virgins in there waiting to be scalded*.

*-This shall be carried out by my personal valet - I can't be mithered with such frivolities when I've got level 8 on Doom Advance to beat. Fucking DEMONS!!!!!!!!!!

Exclamation Overload Imminent!

Today I went into Lidl to use my last £2 to get something for my tea, as the cupboards at the 'Yard are in pretty similar state to the one's across the road at Mother Hubbard's Kitchen Furniture Superstore. Upon entering said garishly coloured European discount 'food' depository, I was confronted by an enourmous display of fishing rods (!)...and that reminded me that my attempts to get hold of a DC fishing rod without using eBay (and incurring the ridiculous postage costs stated by sellers) have been pretty fruitless in recent days. As such, I have been drowning my sorrows in an infinate, depressing and completely unbreakable cycle of coffee, listening to Fountains of Wayne and surfing the net for poor/fair quality smut (I'm not a greedy man).

To heap on the suicide calibre (CalibuR?) depression of not being able to afford any alcohol whatsoever (I see a circle forming...), the attempt to transplant the innards of my thrift-tastic Alba MP3 player into one of my now redundant VMs failed miserably too. This is possibly because I wasn't really paying much attention and that when I thought I had almost succeeded, I realised that I wouldn't be able to change the battery in my new Franken-VM without taking the whole thing apart each and every time. Damn, damn, DAMN!

I must say though, that I'm still not very taken by Phantasy Star Online - infact I have gleaned more entertainment from the demo of Sonic Adventure 2 that came bundled with it and to celebrate that, have a little butchers at this rather excellent Sonic site. But enough of this pesimism my compadres! As you'll know if you've taken my advice and clicked on that link (go on!), it's Easter soon! And you know what that means? FOUR DAYS OFF WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Exclamation Overload!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just when it seems that the whole world has turned into a putrid mass of decomposing feacal matter, a hypothetical bin man comes along with a hypothetical spade, bends over to reveal his hypothetical ass-crack and scoops away the shite! Hooray!

Furthermore, I found this nice little site that describes (with Dexter's Laboratory levels of scientific accuracy) how the Dreamcast works!

Lastly, but possibly most importantly, I'm thinking of recruiting someone who would like to help with the upkeep of the 'Yard. If you feel up to it and want the unbridled power of being able to post your own Dreamcast related Bollocks (that's a capital B, folks) on the most powerful games blog in the Underverse...drop me an email via my profile.

I'm Back!

This weekend was for the most part a blur of alcohol and Pot Noodle abuse, but as Secretary General of the Dreamcast Junkyard, it is an integral part of my very existence to seek out new Dreamcast related paraphernalia at any and every given opportunity.

To my shock and surprise, I found myself wondering around the town centre of a place called Leigh on Saturday afternoon – for those who don’t know, Leigh is a small town that lies in the cursed Badlands surrounding the Roman Fort of Mamucium (Manchester). Think Hadley’s Hope, but with less nightlife. The people who reside in this desolate outpost eat pie sandwiches (yes, a fucking PIE on a SANDWICH), speak in strange tongues and entertain themselves by stripping naked in the Market Square and wrestling with chickens. Also, it appears that the very existence of the Dreamcast completely passed the place by. However, the colony does have a branch of Gamestation and upon visiting it I was amazed to find copies of Sonic Adventure 2 and Street Fighter Alpha 3 hiding on the top shelf next to the pr0n.

As a rule, I generally never spend more than £10 on anything to do with pr0n or the Dreamcast, so I passed up on said games – both retailing for £14.99 and exempt from the ‘buy one, get one free’ offer usually associated with retro stuff. Ten minutes or so later, I was looking around another second hand emporium (these and ‘pound shops’ tend to be the local trade of choice in Leigh) when I spotted something that all but the keenest gamer wouldn’t – stuffed on top of a cabinet was a collection of PlayStation steering wheels, rumble vests and light guns. It was like the armoury of some ancient warlike civilisation, but poking out from this melee of plastic chaos was a Dreamcast compatible controller connector (the bit on the end of the wire). After some careful rummaging and trying not to tip everything off the top of the cabinet, I surveyed my bounty – a V3 steering wheel, complete with pedals!!

The guy behind the counter originally wanted £10 for it, but when I baulked at the price of a tenner, he quickly slashed the price by 50% because he needed the shelf space. So I got a lovely Interact V3 steering wheel for £5. FIVE POUNDS!!!

After a quick wipe with a cloth soaked in St Elmo’s Fire, the years of accumulated scum and secreted resin were banished from the wheel and it now looks as good as new. But how does it feel to use?

This being only the second wheel I’ve ever owned (the first being that horrendous
contraption that Sega released for the Saturn – you know, with the freaking OBLONG wheel), I have only limited experience of playing racing games with such a peripheral. However, in the name of entertainment, truth, justice and peace on Earth, I have played through every racing title in the Junkyard’s Halo-esque library (although thankfully it contains neither the Flood or that fucking floating thing) and here present a run down of the most noteworthy experiences contained within:

F355
It’s no secret that I hate this game, but the wheel adds something to the experience. It’s still hard as nails, but you can’t get much closer to the arcade than this. An attempt to do so would involve the stacking of 3 televisions and the slicing up of a real Ferrari. Neither is within the realms of reality for me. WithOut wheel – 3/10; With wheel - 5/10

F1 WGP / FI WGP 2
Both play pretty much the same – very well. With the in-car view it is very realistic but due to the slower reaction time when using the wheel, it is difficult to get through chicanes at speed. WO 8/10; W 9/10

Daytona 2001
This is the kind of game the wheel is designed for. It’s brilliant with a pad, but with a wheel it’s about 10 times better. Absolutely fantastic with the wheel – arcade perfect control.
WO 9/10; W 10/10

Crazy Taxi / Crazy Taxi 2
Even though the arcade machine of Crazy Taxi features a wheel, I've never played it so I wasn't sure if it was really the best peripheral for the job - the gameplay is perfect for a pad. All my fears were put to rest as soon as the game kicked off though - it's another title that is incredible with a steering wheel. I thought it'd be hard to pull of the Crazy Dash because of the way you have to stamp on the accelerator and gear change button, but it works fine.
WO 9/10; W 10/10

18 Wheeler
Yet another arcade conversion that plays really well with the wheel. The in-truck view feels so much mo
re convincing, but it seems a tad harder than with a pad because the rigs are so slow to react to your turns.
WO 7/10; W 8/10

MSR
While MSR is still one of the gretest driving sims the world has ever seen, it just doesn't gain anything from being played with a wheel. The handling of the cars is too sluggish to warrant bothering to re-teach yourself all the little quirks involved. Do yourself a favour and play MSR with a pad - handbrake turns are virtually impossible to pull off with the V3.
WO 10/10; W 5/10

Rush 2049
I wasn't holding o
ut for much success with Rush. Even though I really enjoy playing it, the steering model is a bit dodgy - it's one of those games where you have to 'tap' the analogue stick to turn. The Wheel actually works really well though. There's a pretty big 'dead zone,' meaning you can turn quite a way before the vehicles start to steer, but overall it does add to the driving experience. Commendable.
WO 7/10; W 8/10

Sega Rally 2
Hmmm. You'd think this would be perfect with the wheel, but it's pretty poor - you'll spend more time trying to keep the car straight than actually trying to compete in a race. Not Good.
WO 7/10; W 2/10

There are more racers in the 'Yard's collection, but I think you've probably got a good idea of how well it stands up after that little lot.

So what does all this tell us? Well, apart from giving me cramp in my legs from using the pedals, I must come to the conclusion that the V3 wheel is a really good peripheral. It is robust and easy to use and compliments most (but not all) driving games perfectly. There is one minor gripe with the V3 Wheel though, and that is that the VMU slot is extremely close to the groin area...so better give your VM's a good wipe if you happen to let a particularly fat, sweaty friend have a go with the wheel.

If you’ve still not had your fill of Dreamcast related over-zealous irreverence by now, please make yourself a cup of tea and unwind by checking out my review of Virtua Tennis 2/Tennis 2K2/Power Smash 2 (or whatever the fuck it’s called where you live) over at Defunct Games – the web’s premier retro games review source – by clicking here. Until next time amigos, ¡Adios!

The Dreamcast Junkyard – multi lingual.

iPod? Schmipod!

All this recent talk about the Dreamcast's most unsung hero got me thinking last night. As I began ironing my trousers for another long, dull day of mental anquish (work), my MP3 player fell out of one of the pockets and landed rather curiously slap bang next to one of my VMs. After nearly 14 minutes of standing there in total silence, staring blankly at the floor and dribbling, an idea began to form. An idea with implications of coolness not seen since the Fonze claimed one of the toilet stalls in Al's Diner as his office.

What if I combined an mp3 player with a VM?









I know that another site has featured such a device in the past (see picture below), but that was merely a prototype from Sega, and I doubt if it actually really worked. More probable, it was just an empy shell designed to get people interested in the ailing DC. Too little, too late methinks. And that idea of bundling a free DVD Player the size of Guatemala was a bit of disaster too. But I digress.My knowledge of electronics doesn't really advance much further than "give it here...are the batteries in the right way round?" and then banging whatever it is that won't work on a table until it does (but I get by with that technique quite well). However, basic knowledge of spacial volumes and the ability to use my eyes (rather well, actually) implicates that the innards of my £20 cheapo-nasty mp3 player will easily fit inside the shell of a VM. As of writing this post, I havn't attempted to do it (that will come in the next few days), but rest assured the possibility will be looked into. On the flip side, there is a chance that all of my VMs will end up like this:
Or, if after a few minutes of tinkering I believe that my skillz are not up to scratch, the project will be filed in the drawer along with my recently scuppered plans to change my Dreamcast's LED from that redundant orange to a more fitting turquoise.

I did manage to have a quick blast on Phantsy Star Offline last night too. First impressions: not really impressed. I watched the opening FMV then played for about 25 minutes but was largely unimpressed (how many times can I get away with using the same word?!) with the fact that I died twice at the hands of these big mole things while trying in vain to roundhouse their faces in. It always works in real life, so I'm a bit mystified as to why these methods are useless in a virtual world. Saying that, Dr Robotnik has just moved in next door and you couldn't hope to meet a nicer Gentleman. Perhaps I'm just being an impatient git though - loads of people (well, one - Diogo who reads this blog), have said how good it is. They can't all be wrong. Or can they...?

Now that the Dreamcast Junkyard has aquired it's own identity in the form of that rather lovely title banner (up there!), I thought it was about time that the people of the North West of England were enlightened as to what they are missing out on. Therefore, I saw it necessary to have an advertising banner placed by crane on the (still incomplete) new tallest building in the North, Beetham Tower :-)

PS - just seen the ad on TV for Tomb Raider Legend. Looks passable (although check the dodgy animation when Crofty dives over the waterfall). But right at the end, Lara says "I'm waiting" in that fake ass, non-existent 'English' accent. Why?! No neeeeeed!