Walpurgisnacht

Hmmm, May Day. International day of protest and anti-government rioting; or the only day of the year where fat men with beards dress up like fairies and prance around with bells and sticks? I suppose it depends on where you are in the the world. I was actually 'invited' to take part in some kind of march today, but the legions of baton wielding police and crowds of camoflage wearing, soap dodging students had an influence on me politiely turning the offer down. Anyhow, May Day apart, today is special for another reason: new shit in the 'Yard peeps!

Allow me to introduce our new arrivals:

Vanishing Point
A graphically stunning arcade racing game that features a multitude of real life vehicles like Minis and Lotuses (or is that 'Loti'?!). I think the name Vanishing Point has got something to do with the groundbreaking (in 2000) game engine that virtually eliminates pop-up because the whole track is modelled, rather than being 'drawn in' as you travel around it. The handling of the vehicles differs depending on what you're driving, but control is a bit spongy and the cars behave as if they have jelly for suspension - they wobble and bounce about quite a bit. However, there's loads to do in Vanishing Point, a magnitude of different racing modes and mini games so it'll hold the attention for quite a while. Very decent Acclaim. Cast your eyes over these screens and deny the majesty of Vanishing Point if you dare...

Vigilante 8: Second Offense
I had the first Vigilant 8 game on the N64 and it was sweet - the graphics were fantastic with the Expansion Pak. Second Offense doesn't really look much better which is a dissappointment considering the extra power of the Dreamcast. Basically, V8 is a sort of deathmatch game but in vehicles. You drive around shooting other cars, trucks, motorbikes etc and collecting power ups. The magic of the first one seems to have been lost due to the emptiness of the sequels' arenas and there just isn't as much stuff to destroy (houses, gas stations etc). Still, it's fun for a while, just not as awesome as I was expecting. Check out this somersaulting bin wagon...if only they could do that in real life, it'd make bin day much more entertaining. And justify the ridiculous Council Tax.Moving on, my progress in Shenmue has flown along. I'm already into the 3rd disk and have just got a job at the docks as a forklift truck driver. It's actually pretty annoying trying to control the FLT and putting the crates where they are meant to go and it gets very old, very quickly. However, I pulled the plug out of the socket by accident before I had the chance to save the game so lost a good chunk of my progress. After several minutes of dribbling, shouting and generally acting like Mutley, I just shelved it. I really want to get into Shenmue 2 but now I'm so close to completing the first chaper of Ryo's adventure, it'd be a shame to just jump straight into number 2 with all guns blazing. As it were.

The Dreamcast Jukebox

Well, Shizzle my Nizzle and call me Christmas. I was round at one of my dawgs' (mates) cribs (houses), chillin' (relaxing) and bussin' some choons (listening to music) when the Dreamcast reared it's beautiful, Kaley Cuoco-style head once again. Ubiquitous? You betcha.
The breath-halting moment occured when aforementioned dawg (peace an respec', Big J) loaded into the wireless, the CD 'Off the Wall' by a trendy youth artiste by the name of Eminem. When track 7, Hellbound (feat. J-Black and Masta Ace no less), rolled around, I noticed that it sounded somewhat familiar. Especially since the background music is ripped straight from none other than SOUL CALIBUR!

It gets better -

The first lyrics are "Welcome back to the Stage of History..."!! I shit you not, fellow Dreamcast owning, Soul Calibur playing intelligensia. And for the benefit of you enlightened gamers who have found your way to The 'Yard, click here for the full lyrics - there's even a mention of super camp Elvis impersonator Maxi in there.

And Kudos must go to the gentleman who coined this posts' title (out of ignorance I might add):

Mr Nickolas P. Charmuck Esq.

He's been waiting for ages to get his mention on the 'Yard - even though he thinks a Dreamcast is something Native Americans use to influence your sleeping patterns. Or something.

And while I'm doing shout-outs (not a regular feature, but I just been chatting with Pete Doherty so for some reason feel really loved up), please visit www.petercooper.co.uk, the website of a new member of the Order of the Dreamcast and thoroughly nice linker type person.

Right I'm off to watch Red Eye. Which is a bit of a coincidence looking at that picture...

Promo Vids, ripped just for you!

Now here’s some videos I've gone to the effort to rip for you lot. I had to rip them onto DVD then again onto the computer, and YouTube only allows up to 10 minute files, so 2 of them had to be split (one of them 3 times). They feature a whole lot of footage from games released and unreleased. I guess someone might find them interesting, since the only Dreamcast promo I've seen online is the Dreamcast Mag Issue Zero one.




These two videos above are for "Dreamography 2" released in May 2000, featuring an early version of Jet Set Radio (in the 2nd half) and some twat who mucks about with a broom and sits about thinking about the games until his mates pop over. Yeah, it’s kind of lame, but it's better than the ads they did on telly, because at least they show game footage in this 20-odd minute video. Never found "Dreamography 1" about.





Now the above 3 videos are of the longest Promo video of the lot, and probably the best one too. "The greatest Range on Earth", released around summer 2000, does exactly what video game promos should all do: Just show off the games, and in this one they mainly stick to gooduns and not too many Playstation ports. Some of the trailers, like the Virtua Tennis, really should of been cut down for the TV. Also included are the canceled games Half Life and Black & White.



This final video (above) is very short at only 8 minutes and was released about mid 2001, and isn't quite as well made as the others. However, it does show off Shenmue II, Headhunter, REZ and Virtua Tennis 2, so you can't complain too much. There's also the odd snippet of canceled game Propella Arena at the start, which is nice.

Betwixt!!

It's been a week since I spent cash on anything Dreamcast related. The official Dreamcast Junkyard press release states the reson for this is that I have created a rather nice, totally symmetrical stack of lovely sky blue boxes betwixt some speakers (see pic below). Any further purchases would lead to the shelf becoming both overloaded (possibly leading to a collapse) and unsightly (asymmetric games collections?!?!?!). However, other media outlets have pointed to my Command and Conquer-style lack of sufficient funds. I'll let you decide which is more probable with the following statement: this morning I brushed mold off some bread before putting it in the toaster.

So how does one entertain oneself when one finds oneself on the social slag heap? Well, first off start talking like the fucking Queen (hours of fun to be had there, my rice pudding chugging chums). Speaking of her Highness, she was 80 last week and held a sort of 'coffee morning' for other OAPs who happen to share the same birthday. Nice that ain't it - the Queen getting all common and shit. Down to 'our' level. I suppose to really get a feel for her subjects' lives, she also snubbed Balmoral and retired to a freezing council flat on some scummy estate to sit watching Doctors and eating Hobnobs for the remainder of the day. More probable she went off to participate in some secret masonic sacrifice. And then ate Hobnobs while shooting homeless people with a painball gun.

But enough of this Monarchy mockery. This last few days I've been playing Shenmue again. Like the old adage goes - "if at first you don't succeed, call it shite and smash it up..." or something like that. But seriously, I went back to it and looked for sailors again...stroked the cat...practised my moves by "getting sweaty" in a small park that also had kids playing in it (call the cops) and also had a tip off that sailors get rowdy at night in the very same park. So I waited. And waited. And then at 11.30, Ryo bitched about it getting late and fucked off home. The BASTARD!!!

I was stumped. So I have a confession to make...I looked at gamefaqs.com. Yes, I know it's shameful and really should only be frequented by retards (!), but I had no choice. Anyway, I found what I was looking for and the adventure shall now continue. But one little note - I was rummaging through the drawers in one of the bedrooms opposite Ryo's own wanking pit and discovered what is clearly skinning up material:

Getting sweaty in a kid filled park; looking for sailors AND smoking big fuck-off reefers while Ine-san potters about the kitchen and leaves money out for you?! Ryo, you're a legend.

Now, this last bit may only be of interest if you a) know who Howard is (from the Halifax Adverts); and b) know who some of the less well known members of the US Cabinet are. For the sake of the argument, I'll presume you enlightened Dreamcast owners do...so check out these two lovable rogues:

Howard, Halifax Branch Manager and all round Brummy

Alphonso Jackson, US Secretary for Housing and Urban Development

Uncanny, no?