This Is My Dsmbr

Wooo! It's December! Which means it's nearly Christmas. Wooo! Just think - we can all spend hours upon hours walking around shopping centres, battling crowds and wracking our brains on what to buy for that special person, only for them to receive the carefully selected gift on the big day, rip the wrapping paper off and say "...oh, er, that's nice." Well, to that shit I say NAY! For this year, dear reader, I will be buying exactly nothing for exactly no-one. Now, I realise that's a massive double negative and actually infers that I, Tomleecee will actually be buying something for everyone...but you get my drift. Right?

Just as well I'm not buying in to the festivities this year really, as it leaves me with more money to buy firkins of moonshine (which will no doubt be consumed alone, in a cold, bare room on Christmas Day)...and Dreamcast games. The latter of which are things I've been snapping up with alarming regularity of late. The reason it's taken me a week to get around to writing this diatribe though is that I've been patiently waiting for all of these games to be delivered, as they were mostly purchased off of that there popular online auction site...as the BBC may refer to it.

These days I tend to go for the more unusual, harder to find games that were released for the PAL system, and this week I got hold of a game that I've been trying to get my hands on for ages. I realise that there are other, much more highly sought-after titles out there in NTSC-land, but I don't really dabble with the US/Jap side of things - I leave that stuff to the more learned amongst the DCJY team. And speaking of more learned team mates, Happy Birthday to Gagaman! It was his birthday on Monday but he kept it quiet, so feel free offer your condolences via the comments section. Cough. Getting back to the point, I tend to go after the blue boxed rarities rather than the orange ones, and this week's haul has united me with one such gem...but before I get to it, here's a quick run-down of the other stuff that arrived this week. Cheers postie! No more strikes, please!

Grand Theft Auto 2

Yep, long before Tony Whats-his-face or Nico Bellic were mincing about a fully 3D Liberty City, car-jacking and shagging hoes in alleys, GTA was firmly rooted in the realms of the 'top down shooter.' GTA 2 diverts from the original PSX game in that it's set in a sort of semi-futuristic world where several major gangs rule over the city, and you have to please each gang leader in turn to unlock new missions etc.

Let's be honest here - every man and his dog has played GTA in some form or another, so there's little point in me bleating on about how it works. What I will bleat on about though, is just how badly this game seems to have aged. Back when GTA 2 was released, nobody knew that the 3rd installment of the series would lead to a semi-revolution in the way all games were created, and the humble origins of today's titles seem a million miles away from the GTA we know and love.

From the top-down view (I still reckon the DC has enough grunt to handle a fully 3D version of this game, just look at Crazy Taxi for proof) and non-existent storyline, to the slightly bizarre control set up (the button configurations are ker-azy) and the disorientating way the vehicles handle, GTA 2 feels just plain odd to play nowadays. It still holds a lot of charm in a 'this-is-how-it-all-began' kind way, but to be honest I'd much rather play GTA 4 than this anyday.

MTV Skateboarding Feat. Andy McDonald

Hands up if you've ever heard of Andy McDonald? At first I thought this was a skateboarding game featuring that bloke who used to be in Coronation Street (sorry non-UK readers who haven't got a fucking clue what I'm on about), but it transpires that Andy McDonald is a skateboarder! Who'd have thunk it?! Hot on the tail of old war-horse Tony Hawk, Andy McDonald's title tries so, so hard to trump the master at his own game...but sadly (and rather inevitably) falls slightly short of the railing, bails and then smashes his teeth out by landing face-first on the pavement (or as Andy would probably say, sidewalk).

You know, I actually bought a real-life skateboard earlier this year, along with all the relevant gear (helmet, pads, trendy Vans trainers etc) because I somehow got it into my head that I wanted to learn how to do it properly. I went down to the local skate park and it quickly dawned on me that I was the only 27-year-old there...and that I couldn't ride the board for shit. The reason I tell you this slightly embarrassing anecdote is because if you took my skateboarding skills and made a game out of them, MTV Skateboarding is what you'd end up with: it's got the best intentions in the world (brilliant soundtrack, decent graphics, nice front end), but it hasn't got an ounce of the finesse of the professionals.

It actually looks quite good y'know. Shame about the Slow-mo pace.

And by this I mean that the controls suck beyond belief (there's about a 3 second delay between you pressing 'A' and an 'ollie' being performed on-screen), the frame rate makes it look like you're playing the game in half-speed (like on a DVD when you press pause and then play) and the various game-modes are hard as nails to actually get anywhere in. An example: in the 'Collect' mode, you have to collect MTV logos. Collect 10 and you'll open the next skate park. The thing is, if you collect a logo and then fall off your board (which you will - constantly), you lose it and it magically flies off back to where you collected it from! How unfair is that?! Bah - go away Andy McDonald and take your lame-ass Tony Hawk rip-off with you. Leave the soundtrack though, cock munch.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I gave the skateboard to a friend's 13 year old son. Kept the Vans for playing Speedball in though.

NBA Hoopz

Basketball. Never really been interested in it to be honest, although I gather it's all the rage in the territories...erm, sorry 'America.' Anyway, before I cause a bigger outrage than that time when half of Liverpool wanted me dead for calling John Lennon a chav, let's get back to the task in hand: NBA Hoopz. Anybody remember NBA Jam? I had it on the Atari Jaguar many, many moons ago and back then - being a person of simpler tastes - I found it quite enjoyable. Well, NBA Hoopz is quite similar in that it features teams of 3 players 'balling' and 'letting rip' with outlandish special moves and dribbling skills. For me, the real life sport offers little because to my eye it just looks like a load of massive, muscly men running back and forth across a badminton court - but NBA Hoopz does offer some entertainment simply because it adds an air of ridiculousness to proceedings.

Reflections, motherfucka! Mr Ronseal's work is done here

The players themselves are slightly super-deformed, so you can pretty much tell from the off it's not going to be another super-serious NBA 2K2-athon - and you'd be right. The action is frantic and sometimes a bit hard to follow as the possession of the ball constantly switches sides and the size of the court leads to shots raining in constantly...which in turn leads to some very high-scoring matches. NBA Hoopz has everything you'd expect from an NBA title - licensed teams, squeaky sound effects and OTT play by play commentary. There's nothing fundamentally wrong with the game...so if you're a fan of the subject matter then you'll probably get a lot of enjoyment out of it. Fair enough?

Aerowings 2: Air Strike

Oh yeah. Now we're talking. Remember 10 minutes ago before you read all that shite about my skateboard and Nico Bellic? Those 10 minutes you'll never get back? Remember? I was on about a game I've been after for ages. This is that game! Aerowings 2! It's even got a cool sub-title: Air Strike. Just rolls off the tongue doesn't it? Don't answer - that was rhetorical. So here we are then, the last great Dreamcast game that I've been searching for. Oh, there are others I don't yet have in my collection, but they can wait; Airstrike appears on ebay but once in a blue moon, so to actually win the auction was quite a momentous occasion for me. Yes, maybe I do need to get out more, but I'VE FINALLY GOT AEROWINGS 2!!! So how does it play? Well...

Watch this space very shortly for a full-scale 'proper' review. Natch*.

*Credit to Amiga Power, circa 1994.

Skin Deep

Ah, Dreamcast racing games. Forgive me if I'm wrong (and I usually am), but to my untrained eye it would seem that the Dreamcast has more racing games than any other type. From the truly awesome (MSR, Daytona 2001), to the middling but still fun (Re-volt, Speed Devils), to the fucking abhorrent (E.O.S., Roadsters). There is, though, a common theme in the vast majority of the DC's racers - they almost all feature cars. Yep, boring old cars. With four wheels. Again, there are exceptions to this rule (snowmobiles, jet skis and motorbikes are hiding somewhere), but for me the most under-represented mode of transport has got to be the futuristic floaty car. Sure, there's Episode One: Racer and Looney Tunes Space Race, but where's the Dreamcast's Wipeout clone?! You know, with cool looking pointy ships, mental twisty racing circuits and amazing explosions? Well, I thought I'd found it. Only it's not the awesome thrill-ride I was hoping for. It's merely 'meh.'

Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the newest entry into the Junkyard...it's Magforce Racing!

Thinking about it, the PSX had the aforementioned Wipeout, the N64 had F-Zero X and Extreme G, even the Saturn had the alright-in-a-mid-ninties-sort-of-way High Octane...and the DC has...Magforce Racing. Hmmm.

OK, so we've established through association that Magforce is a futuristic racing game. Twisty tracks? Check. High speeds? Check. Cool looking pointy ships? Erm...no, actually. For some reason, the developers eschewed the usual style of vehicle for some truly hideous designs. Rather than have wedge-shaped formula 12000 beasts, Magforce Racing gives you the chance to strap yourself into the cockpit of one of a number of crap-looking 'tripods.' Tripods! Why? They look pathetic! The story goes that these tripods have a wheel under each 'leg' that is magnetically charged and allows the vehicles to stick to the track when they inevitably travel along upside-down sections of the circuit...and that explains the need for you to drive over the glowing yellow strips dotted about in order to charge up your 'magnet power,' or something. If this power runs out, you can't drive on the ceiling anymore, and if you're on the ceiling when it runs out you fall to the ground below. If this had some kind of effect on your vehicle (like visible damage or the depletion of a shield bar, ala Wipeout) then it might have had more relevance...but alas no such luxuries exist in Magforce Racing. In actual fact, the whole 'magnets' thing does little more than provide a nice title for the game (Magforce...geddit?!).

Moscow. In the future. You can tell because of the Palace in the background.

And the generic industrial - orange sky.

Speaking of a lack of any kind of damage model for the game, the inclusion of a weapons upgrade system seems like little more than an afterthought by the developer (little known VCC Entertainment, just in case you were wondering. They also made Killer Loop for the PSX, which is in effect the semi-prequel to Magforce). This is evident in the way that even though you can collect and upgrade various weapons (lasers, mines, missiles etc), when you fire them at an opponent the result is little more than a loss in speed for the victim. Obviously, this can help you get past them but there's little incentive to use the weapons...because if you collect four in a row without firing them off, you get a 'turbo ram' that makes you invincible and blasts you along the track at ridiculous uncontrollable speeds. Want to win any race with ease? Just keep collecting four weapons and turbo ram everyone else out of the way like a massive futuristic knob in a dodgem. I used this tactic quite a bit once I'd discovered it and you'll need it to unlock the higher class vehicles and tracks because rather than employ a normal 'championship' option, all Magforce offers is a series of one-off races. You know the drill - finish each track in first place in a particular vehicle and you open up the next class and a few new circuits...but the shit thing is that you can only play them with the vehicle you unlocked them with. Again, looks like another lazy design choice on behalf of VCC. Why couldn't they have put in a proper league mode or something? All you get is that single race mode and a time attack.

As mentioned, the 'cars' look a bit gash.

So what you get with Magforce racing is a pretty run-of-the-mill futuristic racer with really crap vehicle designs and very few play modes. It does have one thing going for it though: the graphics are fecking brilliant! When I first started playing it, I was quite overwhelmed by how smooth everything was and how slick it looked. Sure, by today's DiRT 2 standards Magforce looks horribly dated, what with it's lack of real-time shadows and specular lighting...but back in 2000 this must've looked the dogs bollocks. The tracks (whilst slightly generic) twist and turn all over the shop and feature some rather impressive enormous architecture - in places it reminded me of Wipeout on the PS2, with it's cavernous mountainside entrances and underwater translucent tunnels. It's just a shame that the programmers didn't go the whole hog with some over-the-top lens flares and the like - because with a few more effects lavished over the top of the ace track detail and eye-watering pace, Magforce could've been possibly the best looking racer on the Dreamcast. As it is, it's still up there with the best of 'em - but you can't help but ponder what else could've been done with the game engine.

To surmise, Magforce Racing is a generic futuristic racer. It's got a techno soundtrack, minimalist front end, a dearth of play modes...but is damn nice to look at. Oh, and it only cost me £3 from Chips in Gloucester. I believe the phrase is "wOOt." Cough.

A Dreamcast "What if?"

Sure, this is The Dreamcast Junkyard, but did you also know that we are also Earth conscious? Why waste precious digital letters when you can reuse and recycle! What follows is an article I wrote over at The Nomad Junkyard earlier this year:

Had the Dreamcast lived on, would we still have had Sonic Heroes? This was a question I asked at the Sonic Stadium. I think its an interesting question, just as interesting as asking "In Back to the Future, what would happen had Marty knocked up his own mother?" Food for thought.

I received some interesting replies. Some thought that Heroes would have come out on Dreamcast (exclusively, of course) and the rest of the games we have now would have followed suit. Sonic Riders Zero Gravity would have been the last Sonic game to appear on the Dreamcast, and we would have been treated to a much better Sonic '06 as a launch game for the Dreamcast 2 or Sega Cyclone or Sega Infinity (basically Sega's next step after the Dreamcast).

Others believed that we would have been treated to a Sonic Adventure 3 with a plot similar to Sonic Heroes and gameplay that was more in line with Sonic Adventure 2. This led to a bit of complaining over how some Sonic fans believe that Sonic Adventure 3 is just a fanboys answer to the perfect Sonic game that never happened. Those who think a third entry in the Adventure series would have saved us from "the dark times" are complete loons who are better off wishing Sonic & Mario would team up (wait, nevermind that last part).

This discussion inspired me to design boxart for Dreamcast games that might have been, had the console and Sonic series lived on together. Enjoy!

Exclusive Rush Rush Rally Racing Wallpaper! Ooh!

The reason it's exclusive is pretty simple: I drew it. I was going to hold off on releasing this until the Rummage review was ready (will be at the start of the video), but instead I thought it may tide you over until the review is ready, which I'm not sure when that will be because I haven't started recording it yet, want to get decent enough at the game to show plenty of it! I've provided the wallpaper in plenty of shapes and sizes: find them below!

1024 X 768

1280 X 960

1920 X 1080

2560 X 1600