Ay up, it's that bloody Shenmue again!

It would seem that truth is stranger than fiction, and indeed, a good deal funnier too! You might remember that, a little while ago, in the comments section of our esteemed epistle, many chuckles were to be had at the idea of an alternative Shenmue universe. One in which our own Ryo Hazuki was a cloth cap and clogs wearing, twelve pints a night drinking, lard butty munching, whippet breeding tinker, such as you'd find in areas of Manchester, such as Gorton, Wythenshawe and Beswick.

Well if you let out a guffaw or two at the thought of this, then imagine no longer... For I have just been sent, by a shady underworld figure known only as Brrythnmd, an email of a video, of this most startling and revelatory delving into the mind of AM2 genius and Shenmue creator, Yu Suzuki... The British Shenmue!!!!

21 comments:

Goldskarr said...

"Poppa!"
*bam*
"Crikey!"
This is so stereotypical, It's funny. Please tell me this isn't official.

fatherkrishna said...

If this IS a fake, it's undoubtedly been masterminded from here in the UK, as those accents are 100% accurate regional UK accents... rather like Dick Van Dyke's authentic "cockney" accent in the Disney classic,Mary Poppins.

Yu Suzuki must have searched long and hard for those Shakesperean quality voice actors. They must have been gutted to find out he wasn't using their work in his 'final cut'. Thank goodness this video turned up and wasn't lost to the annals of time forever...

Tomleecee said...

Great find FK - although those voices sound a little bit too much like Americans doing accents to me...

fatherkrishna said...

What Tom? You think I've been duped??? Americans you say???
Caleb? Hmmmm.... I seem to remember Caleb having a very dubious British accent once.... The plot thickens!

Anonymous said...

Its obviously fake, but still funny..

Barry the Nomad said...

I've heard of this! It was on Gamespot a while ago. I heard Sir Christopher Lee vomited when told that his part was cut. Literally, he vomited. Also, I wonder who this Brrythnmd is? Sounds like a handsome fellow.

-Barry the Nomad

fatherkrishna said...

I've done some research and you're absolutely correct. Sir Christopher Lee did indeed vomit on hearing his part had been cut. What you omitted to mention, was that he vomitted right into the lunch of co-actor Dame Helen Mirren, who was playing the voice of Ryo's long suffering 'girlfriend', Nzomi.

On reflection, I'm a tad unsurprised that Lee's contribution was cut, as his voice sounds a little like Yoda from time to time...

Oh and Barry, I'm not sure who this BrrythNmd is but he doesn't sound at all handsome to me... It would seem that his motivation stems from making money selling burnt copies of this 'vapourware' classic over the internet. He then pours the profits into a "sweatshop" side venture, making expensive moisturiser from the tears of tiny orphans...

Tomleecee said...

Ha ha! Funny as fuck! How, pray tell, does one go about getting a vial of this moisturiser?

Barry the Nomad said...

I'll see what I can do for you.

I mean- I'll see what HE can do for you! Er... yes. Him. Not me.

(Why do I type out my mistakes and then awkwardly correct them when I could just delete what I just wrote?)

Caleb said...

I wish I had thought of this first.

I really do.

Bloody Hell!

fatherkrishna said...

Barrington Nomad Esquire?

Tomleecee said...

To be honest, I don't think I've ever heard anyone say 'crikey' or 'Poppa' in my life - If Ryu had said 'fuck me you cunt, you've just slotted me old man and now I'm gonna hunt you down and smash your face in...' then I might have believed it.

4/10

Barry the Nomad said...

Ryo wasn't raised with that mouth. His mum would clout him if he even let out the word "ruddy".

fatherkrishna said...

Crikey Tom! Where have you been living? Down in Cornwall or Devon or some other la-di-dah Southern sea port?

As I was walking through Moss Side yesterday I heard a young oik say

"Luv a duck guvnor! I was a-wondering if yer could help me get me uzi un-jammed, one of them there Old Trafford Crips has just popped a cap in me dear old ma's posterior and I'm feeling perishing annoyed about it, and no mistake. Just hold this keflar stab vest whilst I nip orff and fetch me poppa."

Honest.

fatherkrishna said...

(BTW Barry, good use of the words "clout" and "ruddy" in that reply... No one will ever suspect that you... *cough!* SORRY, BrrythNmd... are...erm...is really American...)

P.S. Why do I always use lots of ellipses in my writing...? It's an over-used piece of punctuation, employed as a subtle device to engender anticipation... Which in fact... it rarely does...

Michelle said...

Hilarious!

I'm actually playing through Shenmue for the first time at the moment and this raised a few much-needed chuckles.

Barry the Nomad said...

Well, you're in store for many more chuckles. Be on the lookout for overly-agressive schoolgirls, pee jokes and hot sailors (Ryo's words, not mine).

goldskarr said...

Pee jokes, you say? Gay sailors drinking milk? Maybe it IS time to dust off my copy of Shenmue and actually play it for more than 2 hours...

Brit said...

Ugh! What a horrible caricature of so-called 'British' speech. The fact is, spoken (British) English is one of the most beautiful and pleasant-sounding of all accents (consider, for example, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart and Kate Winslet). The speakers in this video were obviously trying to make fun of British by badly attempting the thickest and most niche varieties. Imagine non-Americans doing southern US accents (e.g. Louisiana, Arkansas, Alabama, Missouri) and then calling it 'The American Shenmue II' (if the dubbed Xbox version never existed). Well, this is just as bad.

Barry the Nomad said...

Agreed Brit!

You may never read this reply, but my blood was boiling at the thought of the careless Yanks who made this trash. The maker of this deserves a swift kick from the Prime Minister followed by an Indian burn administered by Patrick Stewart.

Daniel said...

British people don't talk like that!

This video is a disgrace.