Tickets Please!

Right. Listen up you 'orrible lot. Things have been getting out of hand around here the last few weeks. Too much frivolity if you ask me. Frivolity and fun. And that's the problem with the youth of today. If it's not playing Dreamcasts, it's raping OAPs and smashing up bus shelters whilst under the influence of cheap cider. To address this problem and restore the equilibrium, today we're going to have an educational session.

Ever heard of Isambard Kingdom Brunel? Yep, it's a ridiculous name, but I'm guessing most of you enlightened DCJY followers have read many, many volumes on Brunel's genius - but for those who haven't, here's the science bit.

But why, pray tell, am I bringing Mr Brunel to your attention? Well, it's because he has something to do with my latest Dreamcast-related purchase. Sort of. You see, Brunel built railways. Not personally of course - he employed yokels and vagabonds to do it for him (and paid them in broken dreams and dysentery, or so I'm told); and with my latest acquisition - you too can indulge in a bit of railway building 'action':


Railway Tycoon 2 has arrived at platform 758!

Exciting, I know! It's a game...that lets you build railways! Across fields! So you can transport textiles and passengers to different towns! Not only that, but the back of the box states:
  • All new 3D game engine!
  • Addictive and deep gameplay spanning from 1804 to 2000 and beyond!
  • 60 Engine designs!
  • Realistic stock market enabling take-overs, mergers, stocks, bonds and bankruptcy!

A REALISTIC STOCK MARKET! STOCKS! MERGERS! Take 2 Interactive - with this number of insanely exciting features you are spoiling us!

So, Railway Tycoon 2 then. It's a bit like the bastard lovechild of Sim City and Command & Conquer. With trains. You start the main game in the early 1800s and have to build rail connections between various little towns. As the game goes on, you'll be given more arduous tasks such as transporting goods (like milk, eggs and flour - now there's a recipe for disaster and/or pancakes) and building bigger and better stations. As the years 'fly' by (not in real time, you understand) you'll be able to buy more advanced diesel and eventually electric engines. The game also promises to yield 'futuristic' flying trains with machine guns, lasers and matter displacement cannons on them, but in all honesty you'll either go bankrupt before you reach the 1930s (something that happens with alarming regularity in Railroad Tycoon 2) or just lose interest altogether, turn the Dreamcast off and go for a shit/piss/pint (delete as applicable).


Should really think about reducing their carbon footprint

As far as I'm aware, there are only two real time strategy games on the PAL Dreamcast - this and Conflict Zone, and even though I've been a tad critical of Railroad Tycoon's subject matter (c'mon, trains are hardly exciting), it's probably the better of the two. Graphically it's pretty accomplished - especially when played in VGA mode. The landscapes roll impressively and the building and train models are superbly detailed - you can zoom in and out and rotate the view to your heart's content and it never stutters or slows down. The sound is a little less impressive, but you'd never expect to have SUM 41 or Nine Inch Nails blasting out whilst your steam locomotive struggles to get up a hill.

If only the DLR ran this smoothly

If you're the kind of person who shuns human contact in favour of the scale model representation of South West Trains' rail network in your attic, and you also happen to own a Dreamcast - then get a bit of Railroad Tycoon on the go. You won't be disappointed.

19 comments:

fatherkrishna said...

Excellent and very funny review there my friend! Perhaps another one to tick off as "not an essential purchase" then?

Tomleecee said...

Cheers squire. It's an alright game mate - nothing disasterously wrong with it...I'm just not overly enthralled by trains!

The Golden Cat said...

That was most enter-train-ing.

(I'll be here all week.)

Caleb said...

Golden cat's comment has de-railed this post.

If only I could Express how bad that pun was.

I don't know if I would Choo-Choose this game or not.

The Golden Cat said...

I don't know what Caleb's loco-motives are for dissing my pun, I can only presume he's frustrated from worrying about his
train-svestisism.

Barry the Nomad said...

Would the soundtrack happen to feature John Coal-train? I'd love if you'd post the TRACK listing.

fatherkrishna said...

Without wishing to go off track, I hardly feel that this blog is the platform for such outrageous punnery.

Surely more train-ing is needed before attempts at humour like this are shunted onto this forum.

Until then please do not get ideas above your station, or I'll call an inspector to have you all bumped down to second class...

Tomleecee said...

Oh dear...

The Golden Cat said...

I know you're like the chief (engineer) around here but you can't just criticise our punnery and then offer up a train-load of your own, I'm a-freight that wont do. Now I'm clearly running out of steam here so I think we'll just call this the end of the line, shall we.

Tomleecee said...

Ha ha! Quality!

Caleb said...

Golden Cat you can Rail against me all you want.

It's all in good pun.

The Golden Cat said...

Aye, sorry about the piss-poor-punnery Tom.

We really should conductor-selves better.

Okay, thats it now I swear.

Most fun I've had all week...

Barry the Nomad said...

sorry to derail the pun-versation, but according to Hucast, DUX is now complete. :) Did any of you get onboard for pre-orders? I'd much appreciate a Steamcast review.

Caleb said...

I preordered that friggen' game so long ago...

Caleb said...

...it's too hot here to do puns any more.

I gotta get outta here now. See you guys later.

Barry the Nomad said...

Catchin' the midnight train to Georgia, eh Caleb?

Goldskarr said...

I noticed that you mentioned Conflict Zone in this. What's so bad about it? My brother bought it off ebay and i tried like two levels. It wasn't bad.

Tomleecee said...

I never said there was anything bad about Conflict Zone - just that Railroad Tycoon is better. It has a consistent framerate, simple controls and a clear and concise mission structure...all things that are missing from Conflict Zone. Well, you asked...

Goldskarr said...

Well, you have your opinion, and i have mine, and that's what makes the world go 'round. :P Maybe I need to revisit Conflict Zone, but I don't remember those problems.