Betwixt!!

It's been a week since I spent cash on anything Dreamcast related. The official Dreamcast Junkyard press release states the reson for this is that I have created a rather nice, totally symmetrical stack of lovely sky blue boxes betwixt some speakers (see pic below). Any further purchases would lead to the shelf becoming both overloaded (possibly leading to a collapse) and unsightly (asymmetric games collections?!?!?!). However, other media outlets have pointed to my Command and Conquer-style lack of sufficient funds. I'll let you decide which is more probable with the following statement: this morning I brushed mold off some bread before putting it in the toaster.

So how does one entertain oneself when one finds oneself on the social slag heap? Well, first off start talking like the fucking Queen (hours of fun to be had there, my rice pudding chugging chums). Speaking of her Highness, she was 80 last week and held a sort of 'coffee morning' for other OAPs who happen to share the same birthday. Nice that ain't it - the Queen getting all common and shit. Down to 'our' level. I suppose to really get a feel for her subjects' lives, she also snubbed Balmoral and retired to a freezing council flat on some scummy estate to sit watching Doctors and eating Hobnobs for the remainder of the day. More probable she went off to participate in some secret masonic sacrifice. And then ate Hobnobs while shooting homeless people with a painball gun.

But enough of this Monarchy mockery. This last few days I've been playing Shenmue again. Like the old adage goes - "if at first you don't succeed, call it shite and smash it up..." or something like that. But seriously, I went back to it and looked for sailors again...stroked the cat...practised my moves by "getting sweaty" in a small park that also had kids playing in it (call the cops) and also had a tip off that sailors get rowdy at night in the very same park. So I waited. And waited. And then at 11.30, Ryo bitched about it getting late and fucked off home. The BASTARD!!!

I was stumped. So I have a confession to make...I looked at gamefaqs.com. Yes, I know it's shameful and really should only be frequented by retards (!), but I had no choice. Anyway, I found what I was looking for and the adventure shall now continue. But one little note - I was rummaging through the drawers in one of the bedrooms opposite Ryo's own wanking pit and discovered what is clearly skinning up material:

Getting sweaty in a kid filled park; looking for sailors AND smoking big fuck-off reefers while Ine-san potters about the kitchen and leaves money out for you?! Ryo, you're a legend.

Now, this last bit may only be of interest if you a) know who Howard is (from the Halifax Adverts); and b) know who some of the less well known members of the US Cabinet are. For the sake of the argument, I'll presume you enlightened Dreamcast owners do...so check out these two lovable rogues:

Howard, Halifax Branch Manager and all round Brummy

Alphonso Jackson, US Secretary for Housing and Urban Development

Uncanny, no?

13 comments:

The GagaMan(n) said...

Random queston hat has nothing to do with this post:
When you got Heavy metal Geomatrix, how much was it? (curious, 'cause it's about £7 on ebay)

Tomleecee said...

Twas about the same Gagaman...but to be honest it aint that great...good graphics, but the gameplay is about as deep as a southern reservoir during a particularly hot summer. Spawn is better.

The GagaMan(n) said...

Spawn is BETTER? Oh, I won't bother then. maybe I'll get Florigan Brothers instead then, its the same price on there and I've wanted to check it out for a while.

gnome said...

You never have enough Monarchy mockey the way I see it... Anyway, since we ousted tose inbreds from Greece 30something years go, things got better. For example: I gave 10euros and bought SlaveZero and Snowsurfers, but also found 2012 psychic force in SnowSurfers jewelcase. Great isn't it?

BTW, that was a really funny post...

The GagaMan(n) said...

Tom: Just delete the spambot posts? Doesn't stop them from popping up, but at least then you can't see them when they do.

Gnome: Darn, you accidentaly got Psychic Force? That's a title I'm really having trouble finding, but want XD

gnome said...

Well, didin't give it much time yet, but (very) first impressions are quite shite...

Tomleecee said...

Yes, Psychic Force's universal shiteness is well documented. Playstation quality graphics and Toshinden style gameplay. A combination to make even the most musclebound, fearless and intrepid gamer (me) shudder.

The GagaMan(n) said...

I don't recall it being that bad when I rented it years ago. Oh well.

The GagaMan(n) said...

Btw, I don't suppose you've noticed the Sega Saturn Ryo has hiding in his house yet, have you? Yeah, so the Saturn wasn't even dreamt of in 1986..give them some slack XD

Squall20XX said...

I hate your collection, becuase it has senmue one and two...i really want then both, i would sell my baby for them! oh well will have to just keep playing headhunter....

Tomleecee said...

Yeah, Noticed the Saturn mate. Havnt got any games for it yet though, although I do kick ass at the darts game in You Arcade...

The GagaMan(n) said...

You can win games for it in the Tomato shop raffle, I belive. Th 3 games you can get are "ports" of the ones in the arcade, so if you win them you won't have to pay to play them anymore. I managed to win one of them.

Tomleecee said...

Thanks for the tip...Ryo, get yo ass down to Tomato!