Tom Cruise, please DIE.

Yes, I've been away for several days in a land of pink dogs, talking clouds and various mushroom shaped things. It's called drugs, beer and bunking off boring 'work'. Amen.

In my absence, GT2 arrived - so this evening I decided to bother putting it in my drive and it predictably worked. It's very, very, very good - about 26.9% better than the F*CKING BORE-ATHON that is Sega's answer to the Polyphony Digital masterpiece, Sega GT. As a 100% Segaphile (that is, looking through PUB WINDOWS for OLD PEOPLE playing on GameGears/Nomads and wanking off*), I must admit that Sega GT is still a fairly passable 'GT' game, what with it's tuning and build a car options...but it just don't compete with Gran Turismo 2. Sad, but Christmas-destroyingly true.It only cost me £2.50 and I suspect my debit card actually bounced before the seller could get my cash, so I have the sneaking suspicion I got it for free. Therefore, I'm not complaining about the polygon tearing and full VMU for a save file...

I also nearly bought MDK2 and Record Of Lodoss War today, but realised that they were both a bag of shit so instead got myself a Big Mac Meal. In yo' face Morgan Spurlock. Incidentally, Record Of Lodoss War looks nowhere near as impressive as this image:
Last night I attempted to play Army Men: Sarge's Heores without breaking down into a tearful mess of a man. I managed to get to the third level before I seriously thought about picking up my SA80 and shooting my commanding officer...

Lastly, War Of The Worlds...Oh my FUCKING God. What the HELL is going on there? Tom Cruise rescuing his brattish kids from a war you never acually see? Do me a favour...
The original was ABOUT A WAR between Humans and Aliens. In that obscene waste of celulloid there is ONE scene where mankind fights back. And we get twatted (I presume, considering we NEVER ACTUALLY SEE FUCK ALL). Have a word with yourself Steven, you fucking Hollywood cunt.

*Disclaimer -this has been edited due to moral outrage.

10 comments:

gnome said...

And since you mentioned Tom Cruise... Oh no, I wont start talking about Scientology, South Park etc...

AtothePtotheJ said...

Just chekin your shit for the first time TLC on the tip-off of a good but slightly sad friend. Good stuff man. Keep up the honest work. Most dreamcast 'geeks' i know dont seem to possess a S.O.H, which is suprising given the circumstances. Tom Cruise, please die.... great angle. Skippin work to take drugs.... love it! (showing the duel sides to your personality. Computers and narcotics. A very complicated man.) Salford a shit hole.... too true! One minor... criticism is a strong word, more of a pointer in the right direction really. We need more Jo Jo's Bizzare adventure man. JO JO RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Over and out. x

Ross said...

Wanking off is the term for it over there? Hmmm, maybe thats why wank.com is a porn site...

Oh, and nice title for this entry. And yes, Record of Lodoss War does look like a bag of shit, though I heard MDK2 was actually quite good.

The GagaMan(n) said...

Wanking off to children playing on Game Gears? I'd re-frase that sentence, or think about removing it entirely ^^;

And MDK2 isn't that bad, although it's nothing amazing either thanks to the controls. I've only plauyed the demo, but it does have toasters with unlimited amounts of toast to shoot about the place, though.

Ross said...

The newly-added disclaimer about wanking off to PSP's is even more sickening than it was without it!

Tomleecee said...

all in a day's work!

The GagaMan(n) said...

Ugh, how DO you burn this Poxy Bleem disc? I've tried twice in Alcohol 120% with different setting and both discs just went tothe CD player bit.

Tomleecee said...

Gagaman, I emailed the diskjuggler burning rom to you. Hope it works...

The GagaMan(n) said...

Never mind, I already found the disc juggler file elsewhere and it worked a treat. I've always hated Alcohol 120%, every DC game file made for that seems to never work.

The GagaMan(n) said...

Just made me own Bleem article at Sega Freaks, just so ya know ;p