
There have been some blindingly good articles here at the
Dreamcast Junkyard lately. Obscure games reviews, downloads of new
home brew and modded games, custom made cover art, great videos and amazing collections to drool over.
It's not always been the case though,
dear lord no! There was a time when we celebrated the most obscure of
Dreamcast related paraphernalia... Towels, boxer shorts, tissues, bikes, even 1980's shower curtains with swirls coincidentally reminiscent of the
Dreamcast logo would get a mention. You know, the sort of stuff that the boys over at
UK Resistance go nuts for... Stuff like...
this...
We,
or more accurately I, would be scratching round in vain for post-worthy material. Heck, I was once
desperate to post video of the
'Dreamcast episode' of South Park. The makers, (Matt Stone and Trey Parker) weren't happy about their show being shown on the
internet without them making money, so they pulled all episodes off the sites that were showing them, and then sued them or had them shut down. (The mingey twats...)
Stupidly undeterred, I decided to post a very
un-funny synopsis of the programme from
Wikipedia. It was a definite posting low point...
Which leads me nicely into this latest journey into
barrel scraping
Dreamcast obscurity... In an attempt to reign in my scattered
PSP collection, I summoned the ginger children and sent them off to the hidden bowels of
Krishna Towers to see what games/boxes/manuals etc. they could find.
Virtua Tennis was there (hooray!) but the
Powerstone Collection is lost... (
DOH!)
What did turn up amongst the chaos ( and I swear I'd never seen it before...) was
this though...
Great photography don't you think?
The 2003
GamesMaster Cheat Guide. "The best cheats for the biggest games of the year..." boasts the cover. And would you believe it? That most loyal of publications was still printing
Dreamcast cheats a good
two years after
Sega had pulled the plug on it's final console... Admittedly there are only three games included, (
Cannon Spike, Phantasy Star Online Version 2.0 and
Rez...) but they proudly printed the
Dreamcast logo on the front of their little booklet and gave hope and comfort to
devastated Dreamcast fans two years
before the birth of the
Dreamcast Junkyard became our salvation!
*Voice of Rolf Harris* "Can you tell what it is yet???"It is now that my little post would have ended, if it were not for a most miraculous discovery....
On the back of the book, was a full page advert for a business entitled,
"The CheatMistress Presents: Cheats Unlimited" apparently "
compiled by gaming experts". Again, the
Dreamcast logo was proudly displayed. Now believe it or not, as recently as 2003, many people
did not have Broadband or even 'dial up' Internet. People phoned "cheat lines", listening out for hints on a
pre-recorded tape and furiously scribbling them down, missing something and having to phone again at premium rate, before finally being able to move forward towards completing a game... And we were fucking grateful for the privelige...
Yeah? You saying my pictures are shite??? Step outside yer bastards!I looked at the number... Surely it must be discontinued now? - Perhaps they had sold the number on to one of those
sexy chat lines - I might be able to ring it, and 'crack one off' whilst some over-weight, 56 year old trollop smoking a fag, pretended breathlessly to be a 21 year old Thai student whose clothes had just fallen off - (and when
Mrs. K checked the phone bill and saw the incriminating number, I could 'innocently' state that I was checking out it's integrity for
DCJY research purposes...
heh,
heh,
heh!) *
Harumph!*
But instead I found myself weeping with joy as the number proved to be a still active 'cheat line', with FAQs, hints, cheats and
walkthroughs for
- you guessed it - the whole fucking A-Z of Dreamcast games!
In 2009!!!!I tried it for 'survival tactics' to use in '
Alone In the Dark-The New Nightmare' and the advice was great! (The voice of the lady on the other end of the phone talking about the game, was probably sexy enough to 'crack one off' to as well, but *Ahem!* I digress...)

To the evil, fan-hating, tightwad,
soulless, killjoy bastards that closed down the
Dreamcast servers and technical support elements of the Sega website not too long ago, get with the programme! THAT IS
REAL SUPPORT!
(Surely the Jedi-like, '
Gamesmaster' spirits of
Dominik Diamond, Dexter Fletcher and
Patrick Moore must have combined to keep this business afloat throughout the turbulent first decade of this new
Millenium!
?) Halle-fucking-luia!
Cheats Unlimited, we at the
Dreamcast Junkyard salute you! Now has anyone got a post more tenuous, vaguely linked, piss poor and unlikely than that?